Jacoby Jones vs. Chris Culliver

Man Crush of the Week: Jacoby Jones

First, it should be noted I spent a while considering naming ‘electricity’ the Man Crush of the Week for making the Super Bowl an interesting game. But I had a hard time giving such an honor to the flow of electric charge, even if it did completely swing the momentum of the game, allowing the 49ers back enough to make it interesting all the way to the end. But I just couldn’t do it.

One of my compulsive gambling friends was telling me about the fantasy playoff league he was in and how he was basically depending on a big game from Jacoby Jones in order to win the league. And if he knew Jones would only catch once pass, his chances would not seem too favorable.

Needless to say, he got more than enough out of Jones.

All Jacoby Jones did was set a Super Bowl record for most total yards (290!) while scoring two touchdowns. Perhaps the most impressive part was that his 108-yard kickoff return for a touchdown to start the second half was not the most impressive part of his game. While the return was great, his lone catch (for a touchdown) was just awesome.

After falling down making the grab, he then juked Chris Culliver (see below) out of his shoes and scored a 56-yard touchdown. I mean, just watch this play again. My incredible prose doesn’t do it justice, especially not in the moment of hundreds of millions of people watching it happen. Even the non-football fans watching the game with me realized something kind of ridiculous happened (‘wait, he fell down, why didn’t they touch him?’)

The biggest shame is Jones didn’t win Super Bowl MVP, despite being probably the biggest reason the Ravens won. Instead of being remembered as one joining the immortal Random Guys Who Won the Super Bowl MVP Club with Larry Brown and Dexter Jackson (seriously, who is he?), Jacoby Jones didn’t get MVP for just the reasons he’s getting Man Crush. He played the game of his life on the biggest stage in the world but because he was just ‘some guy’ he didn’t win the MVP (although he won Most Valuable Quote with this gem: “Everybody dreams of scoring touchdowns in the Super Bowl,” he said. “But two of them? That’s what’s up.”

Hopefully this makes up for it completely. You earned this one, Jacoby.

Douchebag of the Week: Chris Culliver

So let’s say you’ve said some dumb things in the last week. It happens. But it just happens that week is Super Bowl week and all anyone talks about in the world all week is how dumb the things you said were. Not so good.

But thankfully, you’ll get a chance to redeem yourself in the game that actually everyone alive will be watching, as most people get their first glimpse of you since they figured out not only who you were, but that they didn’t like you as well.

So what do you do?

You have a guy run circles around you (seriously, did you watch the play again yet?)

Okay, so only everyone ever has seen you fail miserably at your job. Can’t get much worse right?

Well, sure maybe all of Twitter made jokes about your hesitation of man coverage. But it’s not like you had a crucial pass interference call against you on third-and-nine late in the game. Oh, JK, you totes did.

In sports karma doesn’t tend to exist. Just look at all the times Yankees won the World Series.

But in this case Chris Culliver got exactly what was coming to him.

Follow Scott Bolohan on Twitter: @scottbolohan

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
Tiger Woods vs. Alex Rodriguez
Colin Kaepernick vs. the LA Lakers
Joe Flacco vs. Manti Te’o

 

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