MAN CRUSH OF THE WEEK: JACK SOCK
Sometimes I think newspapers have completely jumped the shark. But every now and then a paper does something like this and totally redeems themselves. I’ll quote Harvey Araton of the New York Times.
“And his name, for goodness sakes, is Jack Sock; of Lincoln, Neb., a proud Cornhusker. Does it get any more wholesome and hearty for a country in a continuous search for its next men’s star in this athletically enhanced smash-mouth era?”
I couldn’t agree more. I hope this was his coming out party, that Jack Sock will be around for a long, long time and not just completely break down after a couple of months. But Jack Sock really came out of nowhere at the US Open by beating his 22nd ranked. It might be a little premature to think that Jack Sock has reached the climax of the tennis work already. His recent discovered was met with shock and disbelief. After all, he’s still ranked just 243. But that seed will rise has he continues to mature and develop a more disciplined game and endurance.
But at just 19 and the winner of last year’s mixed doubles tournament, Jack Sock looks like he’s going to be around to beat off older, crusty opponents. He’s truly living out his wildest fantasy now.
From the looks of it, Jack Sock is going to be an everyday part of our lives for years to come.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: LANCE ARMSTRONG
In my life, there are few people who I have wanted to fail more than Lance Armstrong. I don’t know if it was the whole leaving his wife who stuck with him through caner for Sheryl Crow, the whole “I’m so innocent, I couldn’t have taken steroids even though everyone else in my profession had and I beat them by a lot” thing, or the setting wrist fashion back many years, but I honestly hate Lance Armstrong.
And now he’s not even going to pretend his not a cheating douchebag by refusing to fight the tons of drug allegations against him.
As we all know, there are few things more important to riding a bike fast than taking copious amounts of drugs. And once you learn how to ride a bike doped up on steroids you never forget how to ride a bike doped up on steroids. And all along he has denied he has taken said drugs, despite pretty much everyone not on training wheels being suspended for using steroids.
He finally admitted a sort of defeat by saying he wouldn’t fight the accusations anymore, causing him to be stripped of his seven Tour de France titles. While he certainly has the balls to keep fighting the charges, Armstrong will now be able to focus on the long-awaited “Dodgeball” sequel, “Dodgeball 2: Hey, Remember Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller?”
I know people are supposed to like Lance Armstrong because of America and he beat cancer and everything. But he’s based everything he’s done on his ability to miraculously be clean of drugs while riding his bike. Which now he no longer can claim, even though he tries.
Hopefully he’s just going to go away now. But he’s probably going to be joining the Sugar Land Skeeters any minute now.
Follow Scott Bolohan on Twitter: @scottbolohan