Lady Tears Are Penis Kryptonite

woman_cryingGuess what? Men can’t stand to see women cry. You probably knew this already, however, the reason why they can’t stand it might surprise you. It’s not because it makes guys feels sad, and it’s not because emotion makes guys uncomfortable (especially the forlorn, weepy kind). It’s because a crying woman is to a hard-on, what Kryptonite is to Superman. And obviously, no guy likes to lose a stiffy. That’s right: Scientists recently discovered that the scent of a woman’s tears achieve the near impossible—they make guys lose interest in having sex… temporarily, of course.

This very specific revelation came about in what has to be one of the most bizarre studies yet. Researchers in Israel collected the tears of women who had cried while watching a sad movie (we can just picture a room full of women watching The Notebook and a bunch of nerds standing around with tiny glass vials), and then had a group of men SNORT those tears, while viewing images of the women on a computer screen. Can you imagine being one of the guys who signed up for that particular study? “Here’s the deal—we need you to huff this up your nose and then look at these chicks and tell us if you want to bang them.” Ummm…. okaaaaay. As it turned out, the more tears the men snorted, the more they reported feeling less sexually attracted to the women. In addition, a subsequent chemical analysis revealed that as the men snorted tears, their testosterone levels decreased, thereby decreasing their sexual arousal as well.

We’re not really sure what to do with this information. It’s not like there are a ton of guys out there who spend all their time ripping line after line of lady tears. If there were, we could use this new information to warn them about the danger their unfortunate teardrop habit poses to their libidos. Perhaps mace cannisters loaded with tears will prove to be a useful weapon against drunk college dudes who are being too pushy? Well, at the very least, women who aren’t in the mood can finally ditch the tired “I have a headache” excuse and just turn on the waterworks instead.