Kids Totally Ruin Your Sex Life

A new survey conducted by French mag Top Sante revealed that married women over 40 have much better sex lives than younger women, mainly due to the fact that the vast majority of women in their forties are much more confident and adventurous in the bedroom. However, the study also confirmed something that we’ve always suspected: Having children really screws up your sex life.

Of the women polled, 60 percent who had children over the age of 18 said they started having a lot more sex as soon as their kids left the nest, and 91 percent of working women with children under 10 described their sex life as “wrecked.” That’s right, “wrecked.” Not, “so-so,” or, “less good than it used to be.” Not even, “bad.” It’s just straight up f*cking decimated. That’s what “wrecked” means—we know because we actually looked it up on Merriam-Webster. This is how it’s defined:

a. To reduce to a ruinous state by, or as if by, violence.

b. To ruin, damage or imperil.

So essentially, babies are tiny, pooping, screaming Atomic bombs, and your sex life is a peaceful, happy Japanese town called Hiroshima. But hey, at least things improve once the little rug rats start middle school.