How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

Silly Toys Are Serious Business

Christmas is the time when children write long lists to Santa to demand the latest flashing, noisy and lead painted toy from China. While the curmudgeon in you might think these toys are silly and not as good as YOUR toys were, don’t be too quick to judge. While your parents complained about your silly string wars and using you chemistry set to make stink bombs, these toys were changing the world.

So this season, when you buy your kids the Nerf N-Strike Elite Hail-Fire, you might be training them to be a great sniper, air craft engineer or, more likely, finding the cure to blindness.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

Budding eye surgeon.

1. Scientists Think Stink Bomb Chemical Can Saved Trauma Patients

Hydrogen sulfide, the active ingredient in stink bombs, is being studied for it’s life-saving properties.

In low doses, the chemical can protect cells during heart attacks and trauma. Scientists believe the chemical works by slowing down the metabolic processes in the cell, buying time for doctors to fix trauma patients.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

Stink bombs: The cause of, and cure to, you giving Old Man Peterson a heart attack.

2. Mr. Wizard’s Stink Bomb Kit Created Modern Technology

Back before you could find stink bombs on every shelf, your grandparents had to make them themselves. The Mr. Wizard chemistry kit was the ultimate source of stink bomb materials. These budding Walter White’s took time and effort to ruin their sister’s sleepover.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

It’s time to cook.

According to Wired, about every great scientist of the second half of the twentieth century played with the Mr. Wizard chemistry kit to make stink bombs, and they gave us the Internet, computers, cell phone technology and innumerable cures. The scientists who weren’t allowed to make stink bombs had to settle for a career inventing Snuggies and Slap-Chops.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

You can thank Vince’s Mom for this.

3. Silly String Used by Marines to Locate Trip Wires

Silly string was one of the most fun things as a kid, as you could blast your friends and leave the remnants for your mom to dig out of the carpet. More than once as a child, you had it taken away because the neighbor kid — Sid — got mad.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

Man up, Sid.

While Sid went on to become an overly sensitive hipster, the kings of silly string went on to serve in the military. And those hours of blasting each other with silly string saved lives. When trip wires for IEDs become an occupational hazard, Marines discovered they could find wires by shooting silly string into the rooms of terrorist safe houses. The string would hang off the wires without tripping them, allowing Marines to escape with all limbs attached.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

Private Sid gets a lesson in proper silly string use.

4. Modified RC Car Trips Wire of 500 lbs of Explosives, Saves 6 lives

RC Cars were fun. You could build ramps for them to jump, do demolition derbies, and chase the neighbor’s cat.

But RC cars can also save lives. Ernie Fesseden and Kevin Guy modified an RC car with a camera to search for IEDs and send it to Ernie’s brother in Iraq. During a mission, Fesseden’s brother lent the RC car out to other soldiers. Six soldiers lives were saved when they run the RC car ahead of them and it tripped a wire, detonating explosives far enough away.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

We’ll never forget RC’a service to the nation.

5. Man Wina Toy Stethoscope After Game of Darts, Finds Irregular Heart Rhythm

One day a British bloke name Terry Killeavy won a dart contest in a pub and his award a toy stethoscope. (What a crappy bar.) He listens to his heart and finds a strange heart beat.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

It sounded like Skrillex.

He sees the doctors and they discover he had a life threatening hole in his heart. They manged to fix it and the cheap bar owner was forever spared ridicule for his cheap bar prizes forever.

6. Facebook App for Evony Saves Life

Evony is a rip-off game that is like the Zynga version of Civilization. The lowest of the time sucks on Facebook, it is generally shunned by the serious gaming world.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

With this sort of ad campaign, why isn’t it mainstream?

One day, Robert Chambers, a man with muscular dystrophy, was playing the game when his toaster malfunctioned and set the house on fire. Unable to reach the phone, he contacted his Evony friends and they called the fire department for him. He escaped with only minor smoke inhalation.

How Silly Christmas Toys Saved the World

Better step up your game Farmville and find a way to cure world hunger.

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
Is Santa Claus Incompetent?  
Why USC Football Is the Greatest Mob Story Since “Boardwalk Empire” 

468X60AD