In our continuing effort to bring you the sexiest of sexy, The Smoking Jacket has launched a new feature, The Week in Sexy Advertising. It’s written by Steve Hall who publishes Adrants, a site that writes about marketing, advertising and the use of sex as a selling point. We won’t discuss the business of advertising much because, well, that’s just boring. But we will bring you a weekly round up advertising’s best eye candy.
Marina Orlova Gets Ready for Spring
Perhaps you’ve heard of Marina Orlova. Or perhaps not. Check that. As an avid reader of The Smoking Jacket, you had better have. Either way, she’s a Russian hottie who likes to dress up in tight clothes, bikinis and not much else. This time she’s extolling the wonders of Spring and Spring Fever. Well that and making sure we appreciate her nice pink bikini top. She’s sponsored by Anastasia Date, of course.
You’ll Only See This Sort of Laundromat Behavior in Commercials
There are many ways to sell a camera. Hire a geek in a lab coat and have him rattle off the camera’s speeds and feeds. Get all cutsey with a Kodak Moment. Hire Ashton Kutcher to lend kitsch to camera. Or, if you really want to get noticed, hire a surfer babe, have her undress in a public laundromat and have her smirk at your sorry ass while you totally lose it, drop your laundry basket and, sadly, illustrate to the world you simply aren’t ready to handle anything this hot.
Dr. Betty Bottoms Has Advice For Your Lady’s Ass
Thank you Dr. Betty Bottoms for calling attention to a seemingly large scale problem among the female species: Butt Complex. Yes, apparently, women the world over have a tough time appreciating their booty the way it is and can’t help but wish they had J. Lo butt. Or at least a Reebok Easy Tone butt.
Dr. Betty Bottoms is here to help. And Betty Bottoms ought to know. Her ass is quite fine. As is the rest of her. But we’re not here to talk about Betty Bottoms. We’re here to talk about ladies’ asses. That’s right. Tell your girlfriend to take a good look at her ass. Have her check it out in the mirror. Take a picture of it. Rate it from 1 to 10. Does it hold up to her, and more importantly, your standards? Would you want to be seen with her thong-clad ass on the beach?
If you’re not pleased with the shape of her ass, then we suggest you take Dr. Betty Bottoms’ advice and go buy her some Reebok Easy Tone shoes. Then in a few months she can strap her thong on, saunter down to the beach and marvel at all the drool that hits the sand as she walks by.
St. Pauli Girl Chooses New St. Pauli Girl
St. Pauli Girl has chosen a new…St. Pauli Girl. Her name is Jennifer England and she’s from Michigan. She’s a former Miss Venus Swimwear International as well as Miss Hawaiian Tropic International so she’s well qualified to become St. Pauli Girl’s version of a barmaid which is sort of like a cross between a high school cheerleader and lingerie model.
How this sells beer we know not but we also know not how any other brand’s mascot sells anything either. We’re just glad some brands enjoy serving up eye candy as opposed to the less interesting stuffed/fluffy/talking animal variety.
Pepsi Unleashes Sophia Vergara’s Boobs
Perhaps in reaction to an initial ad Pepsi did with Sophia Vergara for the brand’s Diet Pepsi Skinny Can in which her curvaceousness was nowhere to be found, the brand decided, after all, to share Vergara’s goods with us.
In a new ad, she appears along with David Beckham on a beach. While laying on the beach in her bathing suit she suddenly realizes she’d love a Diet Pepsi. Too bad the concession stand line is so long. Her solution? She tweets that she saw Beckham at the pier. Of course, all the ladies run to see Beckham leaving the concession stand empty so Vergara doesn’t have to wait in line for her Diet Pepsi.
But there’s an additional bonus for Vergara. Beckham isn’t actually at the pier.
This is the Hottest (And Stangest) Dentist Ad You Well Ever See
Like a modern day Dark Shadows, this commercial for NHS Dentists in Portsmouth (that’d be England, not New Hampshire), takes issue with the sad state of a vampire’s teeth as he’s about to have his way with a woman…on a dark stormy night, of course.
Complete with biblical epicness, thunderous gloom…and a hot chick in lingerie this ad does a wonderful job sucking us in until it slaps us in the face with the reveal which, truth be told, works quite well. Definitely not your average dentist commercial. Which, of course, is what makes it great.