Four Reasons Why Friends Shouldn’t Help Friends Move

moving2Nobody can stay in the same place forever. And those who try usually wind up featured on an episode of Hoarders. So it’s sort of inevitable that one day somebody you know is going to ask if you’ll help them move. At that point you have one of two options:

  1. Say yes
  2. Panic

Except for a few masochists out there, nobody enjoys moving. It’s a dirty, sweaty, back-breaking business that takes all day. It robs you of a Saturday on the couch and if you’re not the one moving, all you get at the end of the day is a couple of slices of pizza and a few Silver Bullets.

Getting out of helping a friend move is tricky, but ultimately, it’s in everybody’s best interest. Here are four reasons why friends shouldn’t help friends move…

1. The Truth is Scary

truthWhen you help someone move you may find out more about them than you ever really wanted to know.  When you hang out at someone’s house, you generally only see the surface of how they live. All of the dirty little secrets tend to stay hidden. But moving has a way of shaking out the skeletons.

Everybody has something to hide, whether it’s a grimy bathroom or an extensive collection of Turkish porn. You’re bound to get grossed out, creeped out or weirded out by something you witness. You’ll try not to let it affect how you feel about your friend, but, it will. You’ll never sit on his couch again without remembering that you when you offered to help move it, you found six moldy donuts and an equal number of used condoms right nearby underneath.

2. Stealing Jobs

unemploymentWould you cross a picket line? Of course not. But helping someone move is like taking food off the tables of professional movers everywhere. These guys are highly trained and dedicated to the loading and unloading of household goods. Hired movers specialize in safely lifting loveseats and making sure the correct side is indeed up. They have those belts to make sure they lift with their legs and not their backs. They won’t complain or get distracted or expect you to help them move in return. They’re like an escort service for all your piles of worthless junk!

But most importantly, moving companies are required to carry some kind of insurance. That means if something gets broken, it’s covered. And you don’t make scabs of your closest friends.

3. You Break It You Blow It

brokeSpeaking of broken stuff and insurance, yeah, you don’t have any. So if you get a Charlie Horse and drop your friend’s big screen down a flight of stairs, that’s on you. You can try to be extra careful with that box of Nascar Collectable plates, but if you trip over a carpet and have to choose between Jeff Gordon and your face, it’s curtains for Gordo.

Oh sure, your friend will SAY they understand, but when he’s shelling out to replace the laptop you stepped on, there’s bound to be some bitterness. If you’re the clumsy type, be busy when your buddy’s moving. It’s just cheaper that way.

4. You’ll Hate Them Later

hateYou may think you don’t mind doing a friend a favor. You may even have ulterior motives knowing you’re moving in the near future. Hell, you’re thinking you pretty much have an indentured servant now! But every time you agree to help a pal load a U-Haul you’re putting the friendship on the line. Injuries can happen, maybe a pulled hamstring from trying to lift a lazy boy or a thumb that got slammed between a dining room table and your friend’s “Real Doll” which is unfortunately designed to look just like Britney Spears during her head shaving phase (we told you there would be things you didn’t want to find).

These little injuries will only result in guilt and resentment. You may also find things that cause a rift. Like that Sopranos Boxed set you loaned him that he said he “couldn’t find.” Not to mention, on moving day your buddy is the boss. And when the work gets hard and things are personal, some foremen can be assholes. God forbid your friend barks orders or fails to show any sense of gratitude. Especially when he tells you you’ll need to help maneuver a bookcase out a window. That’s a great way to find yourself shitting in your friend’s plants when he’s not looking.

All sorts of things can go wrong when you help a friend move. Possessions can get broken, bones can get broken and bonds can get broken. Frankly, helping someone move can put the entire relationship in jeopardy. So if you really want to stay close even after your friend has moved away, it’s best to leave the moving part up to someone else. It may make you look like a jerk when you say no, but it’s only because you really care.

Jade sometimes writes for UShip. Their shipping market place helps people locate cross country movers all around the nation. She is a busy writer and blogger, who has managed to get out of helping any one move for the last 10 years.