So yeah, groundhogs were given the magical predicting weather gift from their bibadee-bobadee-boo fairy godmother pumpkin or whatever. Yes: They psychic. But that’s not all they is. And some of them are less gifted with the Feb 2 skill-set than others. Like they come out of the ground all mushy-faced and drunk from sunlight and they’re just hoping for the best and they don’t wanna break the news to us that the White Witch is here and wintertime’s gonna last forever and all.

You don’t have to hate on groundhogs for that.  Just cus they’re not A+-ing their divine meteorologist shit doesn’t mean they don’t know how to grind their hog right.

Some groundhogs is sexy.

Some groundhogs is in the movies.

Some groundhogs got big guns.

Don’t believe us? Why you hating on the groundhogs? What’s your problem? What did groundhogs ever do to you or your mama? Nuthin’. That’s what.

Check it, YO:

CUBICLE GROUNDHOG

Don’t need no pencil sharpener neither. Me & ma IBM machinery.

JUST PLAYIN’ WITH MA BELLYFUR GROUNDHOG

Hey — lovin’ up all over yourself is a full-time job.

GIGOLO GROUNDHOG

I like to call it “burrowing.”

HOCKEY COMMENTATOR GROUNDHOG

Aw. Six more weeks of the Islanders.

RAMBO GROUNDHOG

You’ll get a second medal of honor for this.

JAILBAIT GROUNDHOG

We could cut off all his limbs, he still wouldn’t talk.

DENTAL GROUNDHOG

What.

ROMEO GROUNDHOG

It is the east, and Juliet is the clover.

HANGING WITH SUSAN SARANDON AT HER PING PONG CLUB GROUNDHOG

I’ve never been more ready for this moment, Sue. Can I call you that.

PROFESSOR GROUNDHOG

Certified smart fucker.

I DREAMED A DREAM GROUNDHOG

Still had me ma teeth, here.

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
Day of the Groundhog
2 Sharks Trapped in 1 Body