Get Your Green On–it’s March

RIDDLE US THIS… WHAT’S IN LIKE A LION AND OUT LIKE A LAMB? Yeah, get your mind out of the gutter. We’re talking about the month of March, not some furry convention. So here are all the good things the third month of 2012 is about to bring us.

MARCH 7: iPad 3 Release

Fan boys (and girls) grab your popcorn and get ready for the big reveal. The iPad 3 makes its debut on Wednesday, March 7–the same day of the week Apple used to launch the original tablet in 2010 and last year’s iPad 2. The launch event will take place at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts in San Francisco, the spot where former CEO Steve Jobs introduced the iPad 2 on March 2, 2011.

Experts speculate the iPad 3 will feature a higher-resolution screen, a faster processor–and maybe Apple’s first quad-core processor. Festivities kick off at 10 a.m. Pacific Time. It’s an invitation only event but we’re sure even the most mundane factoids regarding the new tablet will go viral almost instantly, so don’t forget to check your twitter and facebook.

MARCH 11: Selection Sunday

On March 11, sports fans all across this great land will be glued to their televisions for Selection Sunday. That’s the day when the NCAA powers that be select the 64 teams that will compete in the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Championship. That’s the scientific name for it, anyway. Most of the country just knows it as March Madness. Literally minutes after the last team is announced, fans will begin doing the necessary research to build an unbeatable tournament bracket in the hopes that it will propel them to victory in their annual office betting pool.

A few weeks later, all of that research will prove to be for naught when the chick who picked the winners based on what team has the cutest mascot inexplicably emerges victorious. But on Selection Sunday, thoughts like that are eschewed in favor of the science known as ‘Bracketology.’ If you know a college basketball fan, just go ahead and plan on not hearing from them on March 11.

MARCH 15: The Ides of March

Grab your togas and get ready to party Roman style. What you say? Celebrating the assassination of Julius Caesar may seem like the wrong thing to do? Fans of back stabbing and treachery know the Ides of March means it’s time to get all bacchanalian. And there is a historical precedent: March 15 is also a traditional Roman feast day dedicated to the Roman god Mars. “Et tu, Brute?”

MARCH 17: Time to Get Your Green On

Come March 17, the Irish and Irish at heart will commemorate St. Patrick’s Day with parades and binge drinking. Foodies get to celebrate all month long by eating seasonal green fare. We aren’t talking healthy green like asparagus and organically grown food stuff–more like Shamrock shakes, green beer and special edition shamrock embellished Dunkin Donuts. There’s plenty o’ heart clogging feasting to be done the whole month through.

MARCH 19: Dancing with the Stars Season 14

It’s the fourteenth season of Dancing with the Stars and you know what that means… crotch shots and nip slips on prime time TV.  The live two-hour premiere on Monday March 19 might possibly be the most talked about non-event of the month. Highlights of the confirmed cast include former child star and current plastic surgery cautionary tale, Melissa Gilbert.

Gilbert’s pro-partner is self-proclaimed ‘bad boy’ Maksim Chmerkovskiy. DWTS stretches the use of the word ‘star’ even thinner than usual by casting William Levy. Levy, whose most significant credit on his resume is ‘former J.Lo video boytoy’ is paired with Cheryl Burke. ‘Extra’ host Maria Menounos as eye candy and Jaleel White as train wreck round out the cast that people will be talking about.

MARCH 25: The Return of Mad Men

Boozing, womanizing and chest thumping machismo are back as AMC rolls out the fifth season of Mad Men. What’s in store for viewers? In addition to the de rigueur debauchery and misogyny, this season is rumored to include a guest appearance by Sir Paul McCartney.

MARCH 29: Red Hot Chili Peppers Tour

It’s been an up and down ride for the Red Hot Chili Peppers since the release of their 2006 album, Stadium Arcadium. They’ve lost a lead guitarist (John Frusciante), gained a new lead guitarist (Josh Klinghoffer), released a Grammy-nominated album (2010′s “I’m With You”), scheduled a massive tour in support of that album, and then shelved the tour while front man Anthony Kiedis recovered from foot surgery.

But now, the foot is healed and the band is ready to hit the road again. The US leg of the tour kicks off March 29 In Tampa, just in time for it to be relevant to this article!

Diana Cook is a professional aesthete with a sense of humor. To be deluged by her cheery thoughts and pithy observations, find her on Twitter or circle her on Google+.

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