Three Products George Lucas Should Release for Christmas

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By all media accounts, the economy is bouncing back. In fact, projections for this year’s Christmas sales should top those of 2006, taking us back to pre recession-era days. So we got to thinking, what items made available this Christmas would guarantee sales for the entire YEAR? It’s no secret Santa would have to be a billionaire to be able to bring every child in the world a toy each year, and the only billionaire we know with the right kind of toys to spur the US economy is, George Lucas! And he even has a white beard. We quickly compiled our Star Wars wish list…

The Darth Vader Sleep Machine

Vader SleepTrouble sleeping? Noisy neighbors? Flip on the Darth Vader Sleep Machine to hear him slowly exhale and soothe you into slumber. Need a change of pace? Hit the rocker switch again to hear him slowly inhale in a constant foreboding whisper. Or switch to lifelike mode to hear that trademark pant. To make it even more lifelike, we’ve added the occasional wheeze, the pattern of which is so random, you’ll fearfully rouse yourself to wonder if he’s actually in the room.

Lego Rock Bantha

Lego Rock BanthaPass out with your staff out in Lego Rock Bantha! You don’t need to sing or play an instrument, you just need to MAKE SOME NOISE! Available for Wii, Playstation 3, and Xbox 360.

Star Wars Holiday Special on DVD

StarWarsHolidaySpecialRelease the ’78 Star Wars Holiday Special on DVD and Blu Ray. Harsh criticisms for the overall cheesiness aside, for the love of God on his birthday, can you give us a decent quality video of this thing already? YES, it’s bad. YES, the ‘star studded’ cameos feel awkward—Bea Arthur sings! But, it also doesn’t make sense why Charlie Brown is bald. That shit came out waaay before chemo, and yet we watch it every year without question. Oh, and there better be some damn good special features.