So we were watching this now famous video of Mickey Mouse accepting and winning a breakdancing challenge and we got to thinking about something. Watching a grown person inside a furry suit dancing around like an idiot rarely fails to be a good time. So we decided to look into it further, and it turns out we were correct.
Here are nine great videos of mascots dancing…
Jollibee Will Rock Your Child’s Birthday Party
Just one of the many perks of working on the Internet is that on any given day, you can learn a seemingly endless array of useless facts and information. For example, did you know that there is a fast food chain in the Philippines called Jollibee? Did you know their mascot will come and rock your child’s birthday party with some expertly crafted dance moves for a nominal fee?
Well now you do. We all do.
The Philippines Just Can’t Get Enough
And look at this, more things we didn’t know about fast food and the Philippines. Apparently, in the Philippines the KFC restaurants have a mascot. And that bitch will come entertain at your kid’s party too.
Why We’ll Always Be iPhone Users
With a few exceptions, the majority of the TSJ staff are all iPhone users. Is it because we’re all a bunch of sad Apple fanboys who snatch up every gadget Steve Jobs releases without thinking for a second whether we need it or not? No, it’s because we saw this video and we now get the terror shits whenever we see an Android phone.
The Only Way to Make High School Sports Interesting
This kid is really getting into his job as the mascot of a shitty high school football team, and we appreciate that. After all, it’s a high school game. That’s just one step above watching a little league game. We don’t give a shit what position your kid (or ours) might play, call us when they get to the Big 10. Until then, nobody gives a shit about their little contests of sport.
Isn’t this just like Duke? While every other mascot is giving it their all in these videos, the Blue Devil just stands there posing while a fucking Journey song plays in the background. “Ooh, look at me, I represent Duke so I don’t HAVE to be entertaining!”
What a pretentious asshole.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Lakeland Flying Tigers
How much do these two hate their lives right now? This is obviously some kind of horrid minor league game, nobody is even there, the weather is awful and, on top of all that, these two have to hop up on the dugout and dance for the joy of the dozen or so people who don’t have the good sense to go home, turn the television on and watch some real sports instead of sitting at some farm league game risking death by lightning strike.
This video brings up something interesting though. With videos like these, videos that feature a group of people dancing in unison, if you pay close enough attention, you can always tell who the choreographer was and who would rather be putting a bullet in their temple instead of performing that stupid dance routine. In this case, the tiger in all brown is your obnoxious choreographer in the equation.
A Single Horse
Yeah, here is your obligatory video of a mascot, in this case a horse, performing the choreography to the Beyoncé mega-hit “Single Ladies.” It’s a fine enough performance, but that’s not why we’re including this video on this list.
No, we’re including this video for one simple reason. We just want to find out who the banshee screaming through the first 60 seconds of the video is and ask her to kindly shut the fuck up for the rest of her entire life.
A Timeless Classic
This video is older than the Internet, but it’s not like we could just leave it out. It’s a classic! We have no clue who these mascots are or what the hell they’re dancing for, but we’re willing to bet that this takes place in Japan and is probably still happening right this very minute.
Again, this is a prime example of how easy it is to identify the “really good dancer” in the group in these videos. In this case, check out that alligator in the back. He’s going for it!
Everything is Better With Cheerleaders
Sorry, mascots. If we’re voting in this contest, the cheerleaders win it. They’re cheerleaders, you see. There’s no way we can be expected to vote against them. But we certainly appreciate your effor.