Florida Accidentally Makes Sex Illegal

no sex

Here’s the problem with electing public officials who fail to recognize science as a real thing — they tend to not understand how science works at all. You might be fine with that if you’re the type of Bible thumping zealot who votes for these people against your own best interest, but will you still feel that way when the feds kick down your door and arrest you for having sex with your wife? Beginning October 1st, that will be totally possible thanks to a new law passed in Florida.

The state leaders responsible for the new law were attempting to make bestiality illegal. Why it’s not already illegal in Florida is beyond us, but that’s a question for another day. What’s at the heart of this issue is the wording of the new law. Check it:

An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date. (Source)

Sounds easy enough, right? No sex with animals, people of Florida! No matter how provocatively dressed that chicken may be, just keep your junk out of it.

But here’s the hitch, every single one of us are animals. The people at SouthernFriedScience.com put together this handy diagram that breaks it down in an easy-to-understand mall map type of way.


And there you have it. Florida says sex with animals is illegal. You’re an animal. Sex with you is now a crime.

Be careful what you wish for, voters. Throwing your support behind people who think science isn’t real can have consequences of the most dire kind.