Sylvester Stallone went a long way towards restoring his Hollywood credibility this summer thanks to the runaway success of the campy action flick The Expendables. In true good dude fashion, he even brought a shit ton of friends with him. It’s been a long time since we even sort of considered shelling out ten bucks to see a movie starring Dolph Lundgren, that’s for damn sure.
But Sly changed all that and, at least for the time being, everyone from “Stone Cold” Steve Austin to Terry Crews has a little extra box office bankability to thank him for. Apparently, gathering every conceivable star from a given genre and packing them into one explosive movie is a winning formula. So why should Sly stop there?
Here are five more movies we hope Sylvester Stallone Produces by next Christmas.
Plot Summary: The sexy leading ladies of Hollywood have a problem. Despite several Academy Award wins and nominations to their credit, the respect of movie critics and internet fan boys is still just a dream they’ve yet to see come true. Now, they’re taking matters into their own hands. Be careful what you say on the internet. That next joke about Angelina Jolie buying kids might be the last you ever make.
Plot Summary: The next time you hear the pitter-patter of little feet about the house, don’t get up! You just might be interfering with a top secret mission. After winning over the world with his charming leadership abilities, Babe the Gallant Pig was uncertain what to do with the power and influence that came with his newfound fame. After several unanswered emails from Rin-Tin-Tin, Babe finally reached out to Lassie, who encouraged him to form The Adorables. Kicking ass has never been more precious and lovable.
Plot Summary: The “Miracle on the Hudson” pilot, Captain Chesley Sullenberger, just inked a movie deal and Sly is pegged to produce and direct. But the Over the Top star has to live up to the moniker, so he’s cast all of the real American heroes from the past decade, including the men and women of the armed forces, all the firemen and policemen from 9/11 and even the Boy and Girl Scouts of America. Talk about getting butts in seats! How about the entire US population? It would be unpatriotic not to attend, and there won’t be a dry eye in the place.
Plot Summary: You’re joking, right? Who needs a plot when you have this many Playmates in one movie? Like you’d be paying attention to the story anyway.
Stop or My Moms Will Shoot
Plot Summary: For those of you who didn’t get enough of Daddy Daycare and The Tooth Fairy, the Italian Stallion aims to please by resuscitating an original emasculating favorite. If an actress ever wore an apron or slung a dirty diaper on camera, chances are she’s in this all-star sequel, Stop! Or My Moms Will Shoot. Sadly, Estelle Getty’s recent passing has rendered her unavailable to reprise her starring role from the beloved original film. But fear not, the internet’s favorite senior citizen, Betty White, has it covered.