Nine Fantastic Fireworks Failures

fireworks

Today is the Fourth of July. Independence Day. A day for family gatherings and barbecues and, of course, fireworks. Even though the days of actually being entertained by fireworks passed long ago, we can still take great joy in watching that rarest of bird, a fireworks fail, unfolding before us.

This holiday weekend, we’re thankful for those brave men and women who keep the cameras rolling even though an explosive that was supposed to shoot 50 feet into the air is about to explode on the ground.

Here are nine fantastic fireworks failures…

Fire Crotch

Who would ever have imagined that this would go wrong? It’s just your garden variety “aim fireworks at your genitals” type of operation. It’s something every one of us have done hundreds of times before without incident. But this poor guy just happens to be the one unfortunate soul who has a mishap, and all while video cameras are rolling no less!

Never Trust a Kaboominator

Alright, fail number one, shooting off fireworks in celebration of Canada, which is apparently what’s taking place in this video. Canada Day they call it, apparently. Yeah, you know what made this fireworks display go horribly wrong? Freedom, that’s what! USA! USA!

Real or Fake?

There’s one of these in every batch. One of those videos that looks too incredible to be believed. There’s a moment right in the beginning that makes us think camera trickery may be involved. But at the same time, it’s the kind of thing that can’t really be verified (unless you do the necessary research, which we rarely do), so we’ll just accept it as awesome for now.

Please Beware of Flying Explosives

When you go to a baseball game, you expect that you may have to dodge the occasional foul ball or shattered maple bat remnant. It’s just a part of the game. It’s still not a valid reason for a grown man to haul a baseball glove to the game, but still, it’s a part of the game.

Rogue fireworks are a far less regular part of the baseball stadium experience. If this video is any indication, they could probably solve some of those lagging ticket sales issues if they incorporated it a little more. We’d certainly show up if the ever present threat of injury by runaway explosives was present.

Someone’s Got a Short Fuse!

Well, the description blames the events of this video on a faulty fuse. That might certainly be the case, but are there really any situations when placing your face directly over the top of something with any sort of fuse on it is a good idea?

Who’s a Good Boy Who Shoots Fire From His Mouth? You Are!

You have to love a brave dog. This is the kind of good boy who would jump in front of a mountain lion for you without a second thought. At that point, he would be torn from limb to limb and all of his little doggie parts would be distributed between the mother cat and her young in a brutal display of nature at work. But what a brave little boy! Yes he is!

Fly Like an Eagle!

Let’s hear it for seeing a mission through to it’s conclusion. Let’s hear it even more for the times when that conclusion is complete and total failure.

This Seems Like a Problem

You know how we know this video is legit? Because it has an “America’s Funniest Videos” watermark on it. That’s vintage, folks. When this video happened, the technology to faithfully fake it or recreate it on video probably didn’t even exist. If it did, this would have been the closing sequence from some Spielberg alien invasion epic.

On a related note, just how many damn fireworks were these people planning to shoot off? You could take over a small country with this kind of firepower.

The Most Breathtakingly Beautiful Industrial Accident Ever

Publicly, our hearts go out to the employees of this fireworks factory who likely found themselves on the business end of an unemployment line when this fire broke out. But in private, you’ll certainly forgive us for marveling at how goddamn awesome this video is. A fireworks factory explosion? It’s pyrotechnics magic.

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