Six Feel Good Films that Probably Turned Their Heroes Into Psychopaths

movies mainWhen you find yourself lacking the necessary inspiration to battle your way through another day of scratching and clawing to put food on the table, coming home to a movie with a suitably happy and uplifting ending can be a welcome treat. Just make sure you don’t spend to much time thinking about what those films’ characters went through for the benefit of your escapism.

Here are six feel good films that probably turned their heroes into psychopaths…

6. Rocky Balboa

rocky]As triumphant as it was to see everyone’s beloved southpaw return to the ring one last time…


By Rocky Balboa our titular hero has all but set himself up for a life of mental disability. Yes, the movie may have ended with Rocky [SPOILERS] fading away [END SPOILERS], but if anything this was just an indicator of the Stallion’s fading eyesight rather than his retirement from the ring. Boxing has become his addiction, and an undeniably deadly one at that.

stallone As deadly as HGH? You decide.

Where this should lead…

Possible mental retardation, which our hero may have already been demonstrating since 1975 on account of his inability to read/spell names like “Del Rio.” However, even assuming the best the man is already exhibiting deeply entrenched Traumatic Brain Injury. If left untreated for another six movies his slurred speech and facial ticks will intensify to the point that he is fairly defenseless in the ring. Such self-destructive behavior can only end two ways: with Rocky dead on the canvass or beaten to a pulp before a screaming crowd like Randall “Tex” Cobb. Furthermore, by putting his own hopes and insatiable ambitions above the concerns of his loved ones, the Stallion risks falling into a downward-spiral of isolation come the inevitable Rocky VII.

In short, expect Rocky Balboa II to play out a lot like the last half-hour of Raging Bull.

5. Forrest Gump

gump [2]In addition to having unprotected sexual intercourse with his astronomically high-risk wife/cocktease Jenny, Forrest remains mentally challenged and now responsible for a young boy to provide for. Sounds like the making for an Oscar-winning follow-up to Philadelphia with a touch of I Am Sam to it. That is, until you add Forrest’s history of violence and army training into the mix.

gump Imagine having the guy next to you make this face at a PTA meeting.

Ultimately, there is a reason why people like Forrest are not supposed to be trained in how to kill people: they just might do it on their off time.

Where this should lead…

PTSD and mood disorder NOS. In short, best case scenario: Sling Blade; worst case: First Blood. However, that’s without bringing whatever STDs he likely contracted from Jenny into the mix. If left untreated this could lead to disfigurement, central nervous system damage, or, as in Jenny’s case, death.

4. To Kill a Mockingbird

kill mockingbirdAs much as living in Maycomb, Alabama may seem to suck in general, by the end of this picture our underage heroine Scout has become friends with an introverted, unrepentant, and ultimately unpunished killer: Boo Radley. Very little is known about this man, but based on what we can gather from the book and the film he may have pervasive developmental disorder NOS, aka atypical autism. Does this mean that he is dangerous around children? Not necessarily. The fact that he killed a man with his bare hands does.

mockingbird There is no way this can end well for anyone in this picture.

Where this should lead…

Let’s not be pessimists here. Please, let’s assume the very best for Scout’s sake, which would mean Boo Radley is a ninja and Scout his dedicated companion…

Yup. It already sounds like our favorite Jean Reno performance.

3. Close Encounters of the Third Kind

encountersBy the end of this film, Richard Dreyfuss leaves his loving family to live a life that, for all he knows, will consist of endless probing and interrogation about Earth’s defense capacity. This will result in either countless unanswered questions his family will be forced to wrestle with every day for the rest of their lives, or with Roy being carelessly dumped in a forest, naked and/or insane with delusions of grandeur.

Where this should lead…

In Roy’s case: depression, alienation, Paranoid Personality Disorder, delusions of grandeur, feelings of omnipotence and PSTD of the third kind. As for the global consequences of his abduction, only time will tell how damaging Roy Neary’s little joy-ride in space will play out for the human race.

encounterOur guess.

2. Slumdog Millionaire

slumdogThe first thing Jamal should do with his winnings is leave the country and hire a competent therapist. The death of his mother, his brother, and the horrific fate of his love-interest Latika have beset Jamal with enough psychological baggage to last a lifetime. In short, the poor kid is parentified, likely suffering from undiagnosed PTSD and mood adjustment disorder, God only knows how many Third World diseases, and… let’s not forget, all those other problems that come from going from nowhere to millionaire overnight.

They have made entire movies about that type of millionaire as well.

Where this should lead…

Assuming that his newfound wealth doesn’t result in him getting murdered before he can fly out of the country, Jamal should be prone to periods of agitation, despair, unprovoked aggressive reactions, hypervigilance and insomnia. You know, just like Batman, only in this case a psychological basket-case for any potential lovers, partners and/or employers. In short, it doesn’t take much imagination to picture this slumdog millionaire graduating into high society more Patrick Bateman than Bruce Wayne.

1. Home Alone 1 & 2

home alone movie posterHome Alone holds a very special place in people’s hearts for John Hughes’ poignant storytelling, John Williams’ Academy-Award nominated music, and, of course, Macaulay Culkin’s adorable scream. However, when all is said and done, Home Alone can truly be classified as the most successful piece of torture porn in cinematic history.

culkin Awww, he’s in pain!

So, where does such a traumatic experience bring young Kevin McCallister? Right back to where he started with his ungrateful family in Home Alone 2. This time he suffers public humiliation in front of his friends and family, and is neglected for the second Christmas in a row by a mother who by all rights probably hates children; or at the very least Kevin. As a result, her child exhibits textbook sociopathic behavior stemming from his repeated parental neglect, which manifests itself in the form of lying, stealing, rudeness, sexual harassment when he pinches that woman’s butt, and way above all others premeditated violence–which he enjoys every minute of.

planPictured: a felony in every state.

Instead of calling the cops to report these crimes-in-progress, Kevin illegally rigs the house of a family member into Cambodia. Do we see Kevin dismantling any of his traps when it’s “game over”? No. Apparently that’s what his younger cousins are for. Even more disturbing, Kevin’s “traps” for Marv and Harry become even more intricate–and fatal–this second time around: electric shocks, blunt-force trauma and even pyromania.

Where this should lead…

The kid clearly possesses superior intelligence and shows signs of primary narcissism. At the very least he’s going to be one hell of a multimillion-dollar asshole to work with; perhaps a derivatives trader at Goldman Sachs. As for the darker side of his nature, we’re talking sociopathy, a Messiah complex for local crazies and homeless people, a perverted sense of justice, and a prodigal skill with mechanics. In short, the kid is already the best apprentice Jigsaw could ask for.

over“Game over.”