Ask TSJ: How Do I Tell My Girlfriend I’ve Been Snooping In Her Facebook Account?


Life is hard. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help.

Each week, media sensation Tracy Pendergast and TSJ’s managing editor, Adam Tod Brown, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”

This week’s question comes from James, a reader in Nebraska…

I was snooping on my girlfriend’s computer and found out she was flirting with some guy on Facebook. How do I tell her off without letting her know I was snooping? I don’t want this to get put on me!

tracyTracy Pendergast: James, I have been in your shoes and it sucks! You desperately need to get this off your chest, but you also know that snooping isn’t right. The first thing you need to think about is what got you looking in the first place, was it pure curiosity or does your girlfriend do things that make you question her honesty? Perhaps you have a less than perfect track record and it makes you paranoid? Whatever the reason, if there are trust issues that give you the instinct to snoop, you need to address those with her.

If the messages you found were simple flirtation I would suggest you let it go. If you let her know you invaded her privacy it will probably blow up in your face. However, if she was talking to someone about meeting up with them or being extremely inappropriate, you need to pony up and admit you were looking. Simply tell her you know you were wrong for looking, but you did, and she’s a huge asshole for being so disrespectful. It’s really no wonder that social networking sites are putting such a strain on relationships. Flirting over the internet is much easier than it is face to face and people are a lot bolder (Adam has poked me numerous times).

Sites like Facebook also give you an easy way to connect with coworkers of the opposite sex and ex-boyfriends, which could drive anyone crazy. Like I said, if she was actually cheating or planning on it, give this chick a piece of your mind. But if it was just innocent flirting, simply have a conversation about trust and let her know the things you will not tolerate if this is going to last. Once you have the conversation, don’t look again. I know you want to, but don’t, you will only drive yourself crazy. If your partner commits to being honest and you continue to snoop, then you become the one with the problem.

adamAdam Tod Brown: You don’t want this to get put on you? Why not? You just caught your woman flirting with some jock asshole with ripped abs and a gigantic dong (that’s usually how it works, anyway) and you’re worried about her getting pissed at you?

Fuck that noise. Confront her about it. If she asks what you were doing snooping around her Facebook page, tell her to shut her skank mouth and answer your question. That might sound harsh, but make no mistake, she would absolutely do the same thing to you. She would poke through your Facebook messages if given the chance, and if she found something she didn’t like, she would absolutely confront you about it. Women are doing all sorts of neato things that used to be reserved for men, like fighting in wars and starring in reality shows about cops. You’re being a total sexist if you don’t confront her for pitching woo to some fuckstick on Facebook.

Beyond that, this would be a good time to evaluate the relationship and how you feel about it. Are you really mad about this because you’re worried about losing your woman, or is your pride just a little bruised? Have you ever fantasized about the day when the two of you breakup and you’re once again free to sleep with strange women and stay out all night without having to answer to anyone? If so, this would be an excellent time to make that happen. She’s just opened the window that leads to your freedom. Think about whether you want to go through it. If you do, this is the perfect time to leap.

Adam Tod Brown is the managing editor of The Smoking Jacket. He would like to be your friend on Facebook and on Twitter @realadambrown.

Tracy Pendergast is a writer, model, singer, television personality and world renowned lion tamer. We might be lying about one of those facts. Check out her official website or follow her on Facebook to find out which one.

Got a question for Adam and Tracy? Click here and fire away. If we use it…your life will immediately improve for the better.