Ask TSJ: Is it Ever Acceptable for a Dude to Call Another Dude Just to Chat?
Life is hard. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help.
Each week, media sensation Tracy Pendergast and TSJ’s managing editor, Adam Tod Brown, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”
This week’s question comes from Mark, a reader in New Jersey…
I called my buddy the other day because I hadn’t talked to him in a few weeks. After we talked for a few minutes, he asked what I was calling about and I said I was just calling to chat. Next thing I know he’s tearing into me about how dudes aren’t supposed to call each other just to chat. Do you agree?
Tracy Pendergast: This is a great question, but you may be asking the wrong person. I am the most awkward phone talker on the face of the planet. I am the one who lets it get silent for just a couple seconds too long, and then when you try to jump in and save the day I speak over you at the same time, causing it all to happen again. I avoid phone calls at all cost with only three exceptions- guys I’m interested in, people who give me work and my mother (She’s a cool broad).
We live in a glorious age. A time when technology is so advanced, we can all communicate with absolutely no human interaction. I am a great friend, but I prefer to maintain my friendships via text. With all the options out there like email, IM, texting and social networking you are really making a bold statement by picking up the phone and longing for a human to answer.
Now, I realize that these feeling aren’t the status quo for most women, so let’s get to the question at hand- Is it weird for dudes to call each other? Well…yeah…on a regular basis it kind of is. I think it’s weird for any friends to feel the need to talk constantly. This gets especially rough as we become adults with jobs, spouses and kids. Do I think it’s weird to call once in a while just to catch up or for advice? Absolutely not. Just be honest with your friends- if you’re not really a phone talker let them know so they don’t think you’re dodging them. Use the phone to make plans and then hang out and chat in person… then cancel last minute via text…they might be mad at first, but it’s nothing a Facebook poke can’t fix.
Adam Tod Brown: Holy bejeezus. No, it’s not acceptable. It’s not acceptable at all. Your “buddy” was right to chastise you for that horse shit. I’ve turned down writing gigs solely because the person offering up the job wanted to “hop on the phone” to work out the details. The chances of me taking a phone call and listening to you gab for an hour and coming away from it not completely resenting you are slim to none.
I could go the rest of my life without a phone call from another living person and be completely happy. There’s a reason why cell phone companies are so quick to offer up unlimited talk minutes these days. That reason is because nobody gives a shit about talk minutes. If you can’t effectively stay in touch with people without spending countless hours per month on the phone, buy one of those “Social Networking for Dummies” books and fix your shit.
But it’s not just my abject hatred for talking on the phone that leads me to say that a dude shouldn’t call another dude just to chat. Guy time is supposed to be an escape. It’s supposed to be a time to either get away from your nagadocious spouse/girlfriend or, if you’re single, to get away from your cave of loneliness and spend a couple hours interacting with other people. Talking on the phone takes that one good thing about male friends right out of the equation. I need guy friends so I have someone to go see eardrum shredding punk bands at seedy clubs with. I need guy friends so I have someone to sneak booze into movies about things that explode with.
What I don’t need are guy friends who want to sit on the phone for an hour sharing their feelings. If a dude is calling me, it damn well better be because they need bail money. Otherwise, save the conversation for when I see you at happy hour.
Adam Tod Brown is the managing editor of The Smoking Jacket. He would like to be your friend on Facebookand Twitter.
Tracy Pendergast is a writer, model, singer, television personality and former Navy Seal. We might be lying about one of those facts. Check out her official website or follow her on Facebook to find out which one.
Got a question for Adam and Tracy? Click here and fire away. If we use it…your life will immediately improve for the better.
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“Ask TSJ: Is it Ever Acceptable for a Dude to Call Another Dude Just to Chat?”
1:14 pm on March 14th, 2011
Yeah, particularly if it’s a friend who moved away. But sometimes it definitely seems fruit.
1:22 pm on March 14th, 2011
Oh, come on. Yes, it’s fine for a guy to call another guy just to talk. It’s time to stop this hyper-masculine “bro” bullshit.
1:25 pm on March 14th, 2011
The only dude I’ve talked to for any given length of time on the phone is my brother. Family is different, especially if you live in different states. But, any time I see a phone call coming in and it’s a dude, I always wonder “What the hell? You can’t text/email me??”
1:54 pm on March 14th, 2011
The only time dudes should call other dudes to talk are:
1) If you want to grab a beer and need dating advice
2) If you want to grab a beer and need to borrow some money
3) If you want to grab a beer and need to share cab fare home.
The only other acceptable time is if you haven’t talked in a while and want to see if your friend still has a pulse, but KEEP IT SHORT, and make plans to go drink beer and/or attend a sporting event!
1:55 pm on March 14th, 2011
Its ok to keep in touch with your homies. As far as articles go, this one was on the retarded side of things. Funny as hell though.
1:58 pm on March 14th, 2011
Oh, forgot one…
It is also acceptable to call if you accidentally get your planet-sized space station blown up… for the second time.
2:04 pm on March 14th, 2011
I had a friend who would always do this. It seemed odd at first, but then i realized that it was a great strategy. People begin to think of you as a GREAT friend. Try it some time.
2:07 pm on March 14th, 2011
I call dudes only for a few minute. An hour is too long. Plus, I’m never on the phone that much even. I run out of stuff to say
2:09 pm on March 14th, 2011
My answer was definitely all in good fun. I think when people are friends for a long time they usually have a way of communicating that works for them. If you love chatting on the phone with your friends then who am I to tell you that’s wrong? I could talk for hours in person, the phone just isn’t my thing. (Plus I’m super paranoid the government is listening)
2:10 pm on March 14th, 2011
The only guy i ever have any long conversations with is my father and by long i mean like 5 minutes at the most and even thats a little too long sometimes
3:20 pm on March 14th, 2011
Darth V: You can talk to anyone you want if that happens. It’s a very detrimental event.
5:42 pm on March 14th, 2011
if they live a couple hundreds miles away and meeting in person is a challenge or if it’s been awhile and you want to catch up is alright, but to call regularly just to gab is a bit much.
7:03 pm on March 14th, 2011
My answer was definitely not all in good fun. It came from a place of extreme anger.
2:11 am on March 18th, 2011
Darth is spot on. Just leave me a voicemail with the time and place. I’ll get you back with a confirmation voicemail. All actual direct conversation should take place at the bar. Long distance stuff is what email and Facebook are for (unless, of course, there is a real, live crisis and not just BS).
4:00 pm on March 18th, 2011
Yes, it’s acceptable. What is this, 7th grade? All the homos who say bs like “it’s not bro” or “only girls do that shit” need to pull your heads out of your ass and join the rest of the adult world.
I’ve got guy friends who live a 1,000 miles away, and every couple months we’ll shoot the breeze on the phone for 10 mins or so. And guess what, the phone has never magically transformed into a dick.
Grow up.