Just when you thought your sex life couldn’t get more stressful than it already is, there’s something new to worry about when it comes to getting it on: the environment. In her new book, Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable, author Stephanie Iris Weiss explains how common practices in the bedroom are killing Mother Earth. Great. Further evidence that our future is bleak. We’re constantly inundated with bad news about all of the things that are killing the planet and all of the risks posed by sex, and now we’re told that our sex lives are one of the things killing the planet.
Weiss unleashes a barrage of depressing facts in her book. Most lube is made from petroleum, and petroleum comes from oil, which—everyone knows—is basically Satan’s brew and the root of all evil. Oh, and petroleum also causes cancer. Sweet. You know what else causes cancer? According to Weiss, birth control. Awesome! And that’s just tip of her gloomy (melting) iceberg of information. Weiss also warns that the vast majority of sex toys are bad news because they’re made of dangerous plastics that are harmful to both our health and the environment. Sex toys can actually be recycled, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re bacteria havens made with harsh chemicals, so don’t get too excited. Admittedly, Weiss does offer some alternatives to all of these Earth-killers, but her suggestions only add to the long list of things one already has to agonize about when having sex. Remembering to use condoms, fretting over the threat of various STDs and feeling anxious about performance do plenty to keep our minds in overdrive and detract from the pleasure of getting lucky. Now, you can also wonder whether or not the condoms you remembered to use are going to give you cancer and contribute to the demise of the world. No pressure.