Chris Bosh vs. Brett Lawrie

MAN CRUSH OF THE WEEK: CHRIS BOSH

The NBA’s Eastern Conference has basically given the Heat the easiest possible route possible to the finals and the impending doom of living in a world where LeBron James won a title.

And then Chris Bosh hurt his tummy.

I generally hate cheering for people getting injured. But given the amount of injuries the rest of the NBA has suffered, it only seems fair the Heat have to struggle too. Plus, Chris Bosh is almost certainly not a person.

Without Bosh, the Heat lost Game 2 to the Indiana Pacers, the most Man Crushable team ever if they can beat Miami without a single player on the roster you can probably name. I’m not one to believe in karma, unless it goes against the hopes and dreams of LeBron James. And this certainly has that feeling.

Worse yet, LeBron got all sad about having to play power forward, saying it took a lot out of him. You know who never complained about playing power forward? Michael Jordan, probably. Or anyone who has won a ring.

Chris Bosh’s injury give me more hope, not something easy to do. The chances of an epic LeBron crumble just went way, way up. And that’s really good for everyone.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: BRETT LAWRIE

Bro. Man talk. Don’t throw you helmet at umpires. Bro, I know you didn’t mean to, but ya kinda did. I know striking out is like the super lamest thing in the worst, especially if you don’t swing because the ball is like super not close to the strike zone, but that’s life bro. Sometimes you get calls, sometimes you don’t, but always keep your helmet on.

Real talk. When I was at Troy High School, I was tagged out by some huge farmer bro playing third base for some wack high school in Michigan. He tagged me so hard I fell over. I was all like, “Bro, what was that?” And he was all like, “I’m way bigger than you and you were out by a lot and stuff.” So I was all like, “I hate everything!” and I threw my helmet and it rolled all the way across the field over to home plate. The umpire threw me out of the game. And I got suspended against our big rivals, Athens. It was brobably the worst thing to ever happen to me. I let me bros down.

I like you, Brett. You got spunk. You got mad power. You play for the Blue Jays, and even though that’s in Canada, they got pretty killer jerseys. You need to chillax and stop acting like that umpire drank your last Natty Light.

Not. Cool. Bro.

 

Follow Scott Bolohan on Twitter: @scottbolohan

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