Don’t Hate: 5 Reasons Why It’s Okay to Like the Canadian Football League

With the NFL lockout looming overheard like a dark storm cloud waiting to rain a winter’s worth of Sundays spent doing bullshit household chores instead of basking in the glory of the NFL down upon our sad little heads, it was only natural that we would seek out some alternatives to satisfy our craving for devastating hits and over-protected quarterbacks on the off chance that the 2011 NFL season didn’t happen. Luckily, the Canadian Football League season is currently in full swing.

If you have the right cable package, you too could be enjoying full contact, nearly regulation football from the comfort of your couch thanks to our friends to the north. The talent level isn’t nearly what it is in the NFL, and the slight variances in rules and strategies take a second to get used to, but for the most part, the CFL is an entertaining way to kill a few hours on a Saturday afternoon. So much so that we might even keep up with the action despite the fact that disaster was averted and the 2011 NFL season is back on. Hell, you might even consider doing the same thing.

Here are five reasons why it’s okay to like the Canadian Football League…

1. The Passing Game is Insane

Fact: Three of the top five rated professional quarterbacks in career passing yards played all or part of their careers in the CFL. Two of those quarterbacks, Anthony Calvillo (pictured above) and Damon Allen (Marcus Allen’s younger brother), never played a single down in the NFL. Warren Moon, who comes in at number three on the all-time passing yardage list, played part of his career in the NFL, but started in Canada.

But wait, there’s more! The aforementioned Damon Allen is actually the all-time leading passer in professional football history with 72,381 yards. That’s pretty damn impressive.

But as great as throwing for thousands of yards may be, it’s completely useless if you aren’t fulfilling your other QB duties on a regular basis. That’s why we also have the vague statistic known as the “passer rating.” The maximum passer rating is a mysterious and nearly incalculable by modern math number of 158.3.

Among the five quarterbacks with the most passing yards in football history, only Anthony Calvillo has a career passer rating above 90, coming in at a lofty 95.8.

With all of that said, we’re in no way implying that Anthony Calvillo is some sort of undiscovered Tom Brady. Whether he never had a chance to play in the NFL or just preferred to start in the CFL as opposed to sitting the bench for the Bengals or some shit, the fact remains, Anthony Calvillo is still a CFL quarterback. The passing game in Canada isn’t off the charts because they attract better talent, but rather a far more fundamental reason…

2. There Are Only Three Downs

One of the biggest variances in the CFL rule book is also the easiest to get used to. In the CFL, a team only has three downs to advance the ball ten yards. In the NFL, a team has four downs to do the same thing. When you take that extra down off the table, it makes handing off to the running back for a three yard pickup on first down seem like a borderline disastrous idea. So, in the CFL, they throw the ball. They throw the ball early and often and it’s goddamn great.

Anyone who claims they prefer to watch a team grind it out on the ground and play sound defense is either a liar or someone so attracted to boring shit that you should jettison them from your social circle at once. Defense may win championships, but offense sells tickets, and the CFL has plenty of it. And that makes perfect sense, because…

3. There’s More Room For Action

Quarterbacks in the CFL have another advantage over their NFL counterparts when it comes to stat padding pass plays. A CFL field is much larger than an NFL field. Can you imagine the numbers Peyton Manning would be putting up if he had an extra 10 yards to work with in the end zone? That’s what the CFL has, and they use it to their advantage.

But then again, they kind of have to. Another huge difference between the CFL and NFL can be found right at the goal line. It appears that Canada never got the memo that explained to the world how horrible of an idea it is to have goalposts right at the front of the end zone. It used to be that way in the NFL, until they realized that throwing flashy touchdown passes through a monstrous steel goalpost setup is a pain. So, they moved the goal posts.

The CFL, on the other hand, has kept their goalposts in prime injury causing territory this whole time. That’s adorable.

But hey, it makes more room for action…

4. And More Room for Confusion

No matter how much NFL and college football you watch, the CFL game still takes a little getting used to. That plus sized field leaves a lot of empty space to fill, and the CFL fills it with activity.

Check out the above video. It’s just video of a routine down in the CFL. You’ll notice a couple of things if you pay enough attention. For one, there are 12 players on each side. That’s one more than the NFL puts on the field. That might make for a fun change in the American game, even if it’s just to put a Sky Marshall type of player on each side to make sure James Harrison doesn’t murder anyone on live television.

Also, check out that backfield. What’s going on before this ball is snapped would be like 50 yards worth of penalties in the NFL. One player allowed to be in motion? Damn that, says Canada. They let everybody run the hell around like they were raised by wolves. To be honest, it’s a bit more fun to watch than the NFL’s routine of “if more than one person flinches we’ll throw a flag” that unfolds each and every Sunday.

5. Watching it Reinforces Your Light-Hearted Stereotypes About Canada

Canada and the people who live there are unique in that, in the big scheme of things, there aren’t a lot of derogatory stereotypes floating around about Canadians. There’s just the minor “they say ‘eh’ after every sentence” and “out is pronounced as owt” type of stuff.

Like we said, nothing too outrageous and, awesomely, if you watch Canadian football on television long enough, you’ll find that those stereotypes about how Canadians speak are 100% accurate. How nice is that? In a world that’s dedicated much of its available energy to destroying stereotypes, it’s good to know that some of them will stick around solely because they’re true.