Product recalls can be a terrifying thing. One minute, you’re eating peanut butter in peace. The next minute, you’re watching a news report about how peanut butter is killing people dead with salmonella poisoning. It’s enough to put you off your favorite product forever, especially if that product does actually strike you dead with salmonella.
But product recalls aren’t always terrifying. Sometimes, they’re delightfully ironic, like an old man winning the lottery and dying the next day. Wait, that’s a bad example. Damn you, Alanis Morisette!
Anyway, here are seven delightfully ironic product recalls…
Exploding Bath Bombs Recalled for Explosion Risk
Call us crazy, but when we hear the word “bomb,” we’re kind of expecting an explosion. That’s just what bombs do. So we really don’t understand why anyone was surprised when their Jakks Pacific Bath Bombs started exploding.
The bath bomb jars, which can be seen in the bottom right corner of the above photo, were designed with lids that didn’t include ventilation holes. Apparently, you need those holes when you design your bath bombs in a manner that causes them to expend carbon dioxide. If the holes aren’t present, that carbon dioxide builds up and the resulting pressure causes a pleasant smelling explosion which, in turn, causes a much less pleasant eye injury when that adorable lid strikes you in the face.
Oh, and when you put them in water they produce citric acid, also a problem for unprotected eyes. But with all that said, is a little temporary blindness too high of a price to pay for a relaxing escape from all of life’s problems?
Toxic Waste Candy Recalled for Being Toxic
Be careful what you ask for, consumers. If you buy candy labeled as “Toxic Waste” you really can’t complain when said candy actually contains toxic waste. That’s exactly what happened when consumers exercised their God given right to make horrible decisions by purchasing “Nuclear Sludge Cherry Chew Bars.”
Tests on the bars by the California Department of Public Health revealed lead levels at 0.24 parts per million, which is well above the EPA acceptable limit of 0.1 parts per million. At levels that high, the candy could cause health problems for infants, small children and pregnant women. But if you’re a pregnant woman and you’re eating Nuclear Sludge Cherry Chew Bars, you’ve probably got way bigger problems than lead exposure.
Ice Machine Recalled Due to Fire Risk
Admittedly, this would be a bit more on the ironic side if it was a water fountain or something, but it will do. Anyway, in February the Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a massive recall of Scotsman commercial ice machines due to a faulty solenoid that had caused four fires and 37 reports of burned or melted components.
We’re not scientists or anything, but if there was a fire, wouldn’t the ice just melt into water and put the fire out?
Don’t answer that, we’re already 100% sure your answer is going to be “that’s the stupidest question ever.”
Sex Coffee Recalled Due to Sex Drug Ingredient
We hope you’re sitting down, because we’re about to tell you something that may shock you. Multi-level marketing companies can’t always be trusted. We know, what you’re feeling right now is a lot like what you first felt when you found out Santa Claus wasn’t real, but you had to hear it sometime.
The people behind the MLM scheme Magic Power unfortunately fall right into that “can’t be trusted” category for a few different reasons. For one, any website that features a picture like this as part of their marketing plan…
…is definitely trying to separate you from your hard earned cash. That’s just a given. But Magic Power also earns the “not to be trusted” label for a stunt they pulled with their Magic Power Coffee.
They advertised the product as a supplement containing all-natural herbs, vitamins and minerals that would enhance the sexual performance and experience of anyone who drinks it.
Sounds great, right? It sounds especially great if you can’t take Viagra for your sexual failings because you take other drugs that Viagra doesn’t play nice with. The problem is, the dirty birds behind Magic Power Coffee left one ingredient off of the packaging. That ingredient, hydroxythiohomosildenafil, works just like the active ingredient in Viagra. “Just like” as in “will cause dangerously low blood pressure when mixed with the wrong medications.”
When the FDA asked Magic Power to voluntarily recall their product, the company declined. So, the FDA had to step in and issue a warning of their own.
Machete Recalled Due to Laceration Risk
Say you bought a machete and it failed to cut things. You’d be upset, right? You’d probably return it to the sporting goods store or shady third world street vendor you bought it from and demand your money back. That would be a reasonable reaction.
So how in the world does a machete end up getting recalled because it poses a laceration risk? Isn’t that what machetes are supposed to do? They lacerate shit, right? The problem with the Gerber Legendary Blades machete wasn’t so much in the blade but in the handle. If the machete got stuck in the thick brush or dense skull you were trying to slice through, your hand could slide right down the handle and onto the blade and cut your shit right up. So they had to recall them and add a guard to the blade.
Hey, speaking of irony, who knew Gerber made machetes?