The Smoking Jacket’s Top Party Schools

Playboy recently unveiled their list of the nation’s Top Party Schools. From keg stands per capita to the all important female to male ratio, schools like Penn State, University of Wisconsin and the winning University of Colorado all graced the list… and then quickly rolled up the list and smoked it.

However, not all institutes of higher learning were considered for this high honor. That is why The Smoking Jacket has created our own list to pay tribute to the schools that may not be thought of as “Party” or “Schools”… until now.

ITT Tech

If this “school” is half as exciting as the above picture of its campus, then watch the fuck out! ITT Tech has “campuses” all across the country, so it could be argued that this party is nation wide. And say what you will about the heavily mustached and heavily middle aged male student body, but these guys can probably turn an old computer into a kegerator faster than one of their graduates can spell ITT TECH.

DeVry University

They may “major in careers,” but this trade school or technical college certainly minors in debauchery. What DeVry lacks in fraternities and sororities, they more than make up for in daytime TV commercials. Need a college to adapt to your busy schedule? Look no further than your nearest strip mall for a University that can satiate your quench for knowledge… and for booze at the Ruby Tuesdays that they share a building with. Why DeVry? Why not!

The Culinary Institute of America

No college party is complete without sexual staples like Jell-o, whipped cream and chocolate body paint. Why not learn to make your own at The CIoA? This party school really turns up the heat, literally. And, we dare you to find us a kid at The University of Colorodo who can whip up a batch of weed brownies as tasty as an undergrad at “the world’s premier culinary college.”

University of Phoenix

Everyone knows that the hottest college girls come from Arizona. The University of Arizona Wildcats, The Arizona State Sun Devils, The University of Phoenix…uh…On-liners? OK, so this school may have nothing to do with the state of Arizona, but the idea of an on-line college is pretty much as PARTY as you get. When putting on pants is too daunting of a task to go to an actual class room, join the online party community of the U of P. Where else can you learn, bid on Ebay and masturbate at the same time? Now, that’s a party.

The Art Institute of America

Body Paint party anyone? When the Art Institute of America isn’t busy sending us “draw this woman” mailings, they are raging. Where else can you be high on paint fumes and only graded on your creativity rather than actual work? Plus, the copious amount of gays in the art world means that straight guys have a huge advantage recreating that scene from Ghost with the big breasted girl from your ceramics class.

And the Winner of TSJ’s Top Party “School” is…..Bartending and Casino College

Our collective hats are off to a school who managed to work two of our fondest hobbies into its name. Drinking and gambling are not only for Native Americans anymore. This school teaches the fine art of serving up Jack Daniels and Black Jacks. We can only imagine that the theme parties at this illustrious academy rival the ones where their graduates now work in Las Vegas. Besides, any college logo that includes a martini and playing cards is a place where we want to be. Now hit me!

Secondhand Smoke is a weekly column by Playboy Radio Morning Show host Kevin M. Klein. Follow Kevin on Twitter@TheKevinKlein.