Rounding the Bases: New Baseball Euphemisms for 2011

Things used to be so simple: booty calls would cost a quarter, Doritos came in only one flavor and “getting to third base” meant someone was getting sticky fingers. These days, however, you can text your booty call a video of your Cool Ranch covered fingers… not that I would ever recommend doing that.

Now, with baseball season in full swing, it seems only fitting to revisit the time tested base system and decide if rounding the bases in 2011 is same as always or new and improved like Barry Bonds’ biceps.

Here are the classics…

1. First Base

2. Second Base

3. Third Base

4. Home Run

PLEASE ADD TO THE LIST…

5. Bunt

6. Sloppy Second

7. In-Field Pop Up

8. Ground Rule Double

9. Grand Slam

10. Steroid Abuse

11. Trip to the Bullpen

12. 7th Inning Stretch

13. Fast Ball

14. Pitcher’s Mound

15. Sacrifice Fly

16. Switch Hitter

Until next week, Play Ball!

Secondhand Smoke is a weekly column by Playboy Radio Morning Show host Kevin M. Klein. Follow Kevin on Twitter@TheKevinKlein.