Teachers have gotten a bad rap lately. Their salaries are being slashed while corporate subsidies and handouts are being treated by their legislative handlers as golden egg laying platypuses. Their classrooms are being crammed with as many students as they can hold like scholastic sardines. Even the teachers’ pocketbooks are being pushed to the brink of exhaustion because of inadequate tax funding, lack of adequate supplies and the rising price of condoms and text message charges for “sexting” their students.
These rotten apples, however, haven’t made one of the world’s noblest professional any nobler. Here are six teachers behaving badly.
Teacher Uses Presidential Assassination Scenario to Teach Geometry
Geometry isn’t just hard. It’s one of those subjects that can reduce the strongest of men to tears of frustration and make you wish that isoceles triangles were tangible so you could use one of its equally angled points to stab each of your eyes out and still have another equally sharp point left over to finish the job. One teacher in Alabama tried to spice up his dull lecture on angles and trajectory by staging a mock scenario involving the assassination of President Barack Obama. Federal officials, particularly the U.S. Secret Service, were shocked to discover during the course of their investigation that Alabama has schools.
Teacher Calls Student “N—-”
One of the biggest challenges teachers have is finding a common bond with their students. Some of them try speaking to them as adults and treating them the same level of respect as they would towards any other human being. Others try to get down on their level by sleeping with them and they still don’t get the respect they deserve. One teacher tried bonding with his students by calling him a certain name. The incident earned him a ton of negative, worldwide publicity, one of the district’s longest suspensions and an opportunity to open for Michael Richards’ comeback tour.
Teacher Mocks Special Needs Student
Special education has come a long way from the days of yore when highly bred dogs got better attention in the classroom than mentally-challenged people. This teacher, however, took understanding to a new low by mocking one of his mentally-challenged students in front of the rest of his class. Frankly, I’m not sure the student was actually the one who suffered from a reduced capacity for logical thought since the teacher was being filmed the whole time by one of his students.
Teacher Turns to Porn
Every red blooded male has a fantasy about making out with an extremely hot and busty teacher. The school district gave their male students the world’s biggest cold shower when they fired this hot blonde for allegedly spending her second job modeling in a bikini and forcing her to turn to a life of s-ing and f-ing to make her ends meet (no pun intended, well, maybe a little).
Teacher Shows Up Drunk for Class
All this snarkiness may sound as though I have very little regard for our nation’s educators, but nothing could be further from the truth. My mom taught for years and given the amount of hard work and frustration she had to deal with, it’s a wonder she didn’t become a raging alcoholic with an uncontrollable desire to get as far away from reality as possible (I guess it skips a generation). At least that explains why this teacher had to be hauled away in handcuffs for showing up to work half in the bag and later passed out on her desk. I always knew that the teacher’s lounge had a fully stocked bar. I’m still waiting for the data to come back about the stripper pole and Jello wrestling pool.
Teachers Caught Getting Naked in Empty Classroom
Sex scandals and teachers are becoming so commonplace in modern society that even a tiny swing in the other direction is an improvement, both figuratively and physically which can kind of hurt. Don’t ask. These two female teachers got caught getting it on in a classroom by the world’s luckiest janitor during school hours, but the good news is that no students were involved. If they were allowed to teach it in schools, that’s what we would call “evolution.”
This content was sponsored and inspired by Bad Teacher, in theaters this Friday.