In sports, there are some players you love. And an equal, if not greater, number of players who make you hate everything about them and their respected sport. Probably my least favorite
athlete pro bike rider is Lance Armstrong.
I hate how people worship this guy who competes in a sport no one actually cares about. Like he’s some sort of American hero because he can ride a bike well in Paris. Not that impressive. But he is considered one of the most dominant athletes of our time by people who don’t like real sports.
And then there’s the fact that biking is more drug-riddled than Robert Downey Jr.’s glove compartment. It’s not like he hasn’t been rumored to be doing enhancers for years. And now his inner circle is snitching on him.
I know he’s done a lot of good stuff for cancer and the yellow rubber industry, but is there anyone out there who doesn’t think Lance Armstrong cheated? Like a lot?
Here are the stories from this week that could use some performance enhancers (click the pics to read more of each story).
1. Jeff Hamilton says he saw Lance Armstrong use EPO
If only Lance had the balls to…Oh. Never mind.
2. Ray Lewis says crime will increase if no NFL season
Mostly because Ray Lewis will be on the streets. He kind of killed a guy.
3. Cleveland Cavaliers win the NBA draft lottery
In related news, the first overall pick lost the NBA draft lottery.
4. Macho Man Randy Savage dies in a car accident
Turns out he was the only rapture-worthy person on earth.
5. Andre Ethier gets picture taken, gets annoyed, flips a guy off
In the photographer’s defense, he was confused. He thought he was taking pictures of an actual famous guy.
6. A female fan flashed Ben Eager in the penalty box at the Canucks game
Hockey’s biggest flash in the pan since Jonathan Cheechoo.
7. Jason Giambi hit three homers in a game
Which is bigger news: Giambi hit three homers or that Giambi is in the major leagues?
8. Derrick Rose says PEDs are big problem, retracts it saying he was confused by the question
This is why they didn’t let Derrick Rose take the SATs himself.
9. Mets owner Fred Wilpon rips David Wright, Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, Mets
Apparently Wilpon actually watches the Mets. The most amazing part of this story? Wilpon was pretty much spot on with his comments.
10. Joakim Noah uses a homophobic slur at a fan
Just to repeat, the French guy with the ponytail used a homophobic slur at a fan.