LIFE IS HARD. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help. TSJ’s editor, Melissa Bull and Headshots’ columnist, Mike Spry, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”
This week’s incredible question comes from our friend Tdd64. And you know how they say a friend in need is a friend indeed.
you have nice boob and nice ass i like to lick that nippy and you wet pussy why i do that you suck my penis and we can make love together i will love that i will love you to do that for me babe
Thanks so much for writing. I’m so glad you noticed my boob. I don’t know when you wanted us to get together for the making of the love, but I have to tell you I’m really busy lately! Ugh. I seriously have no life. Between work and school and trying to brunch with my ladyfriends, hang out with my dude, get the groceries shopped for and the cat fed, it’s, like, super crazy! Grown up problems! Amirite?!
But anyway, Tdd64, you’re such a sweetie for writing me such a coherent, heartfelt letter. You know what they say about a man with a big vocabulary…
Rock on! Nippy 4EVER!
Dear Uncle Steve,
I kid. Uncle Steve has a better handle on grammar and syntax than the anonymous author of this brilliant missive. But, instead of insulting your grade 3 Missouri education, let me see if I can’t help you with a quick rewrite and maybe the subject of your desire will succumb to your lust.
It’s difficult for me to put into words my attraction to you. It is beyond carnal, beyond love. It is consuming, and yet comforting. And if ever I was so honoured with the chance, if only for a moment, to consummate this attraction, I believe with every fibre of my being that it would be an experience so blissful, so orgasmic, that we would be reluctant to ever waste a moment of our lives apart, to give attention to any other, to insult the finite nature time by even considering that any other love would exist.
So there you go Missouri. Your cousin will love it.
Got a question for Melissa and Mike? CLICK HERE and fire away. If we use it… your life will improve immediately.