Ask TSJ: What’s Better, Robots or Dinosaurs?

ask tsj dino header

LIFE IS HARD. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help. TSJ’s editor, Melissa Bull, and Headshots’ columnist, Mike Spry, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”

This week’s incredible question comes from our friend Jonah. And you know how they say a friend in need is a friend indeed.

what’s better? robots or dinosaurs?

thanks!

-jonah, sacramento

MIKE SAYS

mike ask tsj dino

Dear Jonah,

I had this very discussion with my cousin Randy over Christmas. Randy argued that the robot (the eventual successor to humans at the top of the food chain) was far superior, in that it had endless possibilities. It had not yet fully evolved, and as such was not unlike humans. There will forever by better robots. Dinosaurs, Randy argued, are extinct for a reason, because their evolution ended, and they were doomed because of it.

I said dinosaurs because dinosaurs can fuck. I won.

- Mike

MELISSA SAYS

melissa ask tsj robot

Hey Jonah,

Dinosaurs are amazing, especially since we’ve been figuring out how those guys were feathered instead of scaled. Take that, creationists! Turns out Jurassic times were all about gargantuan, pre-historic turkeys pecking at Toyota-sized lizards. Rawk! Godzilla-style cockfights is what that was.

Still, robots are obviously better than dinosaurs because they can live forever. They reuse, they recycle, they regenerate. Also, hello C3P0. Who else could be so fey and shiny and serviceable and in so many languages? Not a dino. They’re a one-squawk wonder, the dinos. (Mayyybe you could train one to say, “Yo, fool, I love you.” If, like, it imprinted on Roxette first, maybe.)

Also robots can so get it on. People are doing it with the bots. I’m not even joking. There’s documentaries about guys who like that all over the Internet. You’ve seen them. Plus robots can even get it on with dinos if everyone’s all consenting and post-hatched etc. Dino-bot sex is sexy to some people. Maybe not to me, but some people like that stuff.

True story, one of my aunts thinks we should kill all the alligators on the planet because they’re dinosaurs and dinosaurs are extinct so alligators shouldn’t be alive. I don’t think that’s a good attitude but it’s true robots is where the future’s at. Get jiggy with it, Jonah.

xo
Melissa

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