LIFE IS HARD. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help. TSJ’s editor, Melissa Bull, and Headshots columnist, Mike Spry, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”
This week’s incredible question comes from a TSJ reader in Greenpoint.
First time, long time. I have a problem I hope you can help me with.
I’m heading to Los Angeles with my girl (we live in Brooklyn) for Christmas,
and meeting all of her friends and family for the first time (she grew up in LA).
My question for you is: Is it weird if I book myself a room at the Hilton?
Like, I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t want to stay at her parents’.
We don’t live together in BK, so for me, it’s not really a big deal.
But I’m afraid to bring it up.
Merry Ho Ho,
Joe in Greenpoint
Dude, time alone in a hotel room is one of the best things in the world. I never get sick of it. And I want you to be able to enjoy that anonymous time away from time vibe.
So yes, you should get the room, definitely. The only down side to this situ you’re bringing up is the seksing, or lack thereof. If you’re at the hotel and she’s with her folks, how are you gonna get the getting on on? Get the girl to go with, at least for a couple of nights. Romantic. Mini bar. Yadayada. Mostly: Bring your lady to your rented room so you can seks each others’ Christmastimes right. If you don’t live with each other and you’re on holiday, you’re gonna want to get your boning on, and nuthin’ says sex tape like a Hilton. She can visit then go back home to the ‘rents, that way you can get the best of both worlds, ya?
Your best holidaytimes at heart,
As always on Ask TSJ, it’s important to read between the lines. Your girl is an LA native who now lives in Brooklyn? And, just out of curiosity, how many episodes of Law & Order: SVU has she auditioned for? Dude, you don’t need a Hilton, you need a fucking escape route. You gotta ditch your girl before she lands a three episode arc on Blue Bloods and leaves you for Will Estes’ agent’s personal assistant. They’re called warning signs, man. Open your eyes.
Got a question for Melissa and Mike? CLICK HERE and fire away. If we use it… your life will improve immediately.