Ask TSJ: I Keep Taking My Pants Off and That’s Not Okay Right


LIFE IS HARD. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help. TSJ’s editor, Melissa Bull, and Headshots’ columnist, Mike Spry, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”

This week’s incredible question comes from our a friend in need in Aberdeen. And you know what they say about a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Dear TSJ,

I’ve got a little glitch in my dailies I’m hoping y’all can fix. Seems like I’ve become accustomed to removing my pants as soon as I walk in the door after work. I don’t even notice anymore, just all of a sudden I’m in my skivvies with a vodka soda watching SportsCenter and my pants are nowhere to be seen. No big deal, right? Wrong. I’ve started doing it, unconsciously, whenever I walk into a room: At work, at my kid’s school, Nana’s wake.

What do I do?

Mark in Aberdeen




Dear Pantsless in Aberdeen,

I think you’re fine so long as you keep your shoes and don’t start playing with yourself.





Dear Pantsless in Aberdeen,

I’m on your team, dude. My pants are off as I pull into the drive… and got no driveway. Pants ain’t got no sense. Pants are the man’s way of keep you contained, constrained, and retained. Pants are the pants of pants.

As for doing it outside the home, that’s something you gotta get a hold of. The people, the sheeple, don’t get us, man. They don’t dig our freedom. Fuck them. Let them have their pants show. But when we get home, it’s all dangle and no strangle, you dig?

But be sure to always wear underwear. That’s how we lost out job at the Times.

- Mike


Got a question for Melissa and Mike? CLICK HERE and fire away.
If we use it… your life will improve immediately.