Ask TSJ: I Don’t Wanna Work

LIFE IS HARD. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help. TSJ’s editor, Melissa Bull, and Headshots columnist, Mike Spry, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”

This week’s incredible question comes from our good friend, Anon.

I still don’t believe the less or two evils is somehow better. So, okay, you know when you work for money you are not only a slave to the monetary system but a slave to another human-being who has more power over you. You don’t just give up your time, freedom, and life to these people, but you give up who you are! I mean really making money is the absolute lowest form of existence. Pale blue dot. Thats all we are not even from Saturn. You really think any of this matters in the long run? So what did you do on your minuscule time on planet earth? TPS reports. Go smoke up, have a fantastic meal, make love to your partner enjoy a sunset, etc.

– Anon.


First, it’s just we’re putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that’d be great. All right!

Second, your rambling missive protesting the struggles of the proletariat is understandable, and I suppose I could empathize if it wasn’t for the fact that I can’t really empathize because I’m a pragmatist. Don’t like your TPS gig? Quit your damn job, don’t write me letters telling me how much it sucks. Preach the virtues getting high, getting fat, and lovin’ up on your lady? Then go do it. Don’t tell me about it. Don’t tell me I should be doing in. I invented getting high, getting fat, and lovin’ up on your lady. I have a Master’s degree in getting high, getting fat, and lovin’ up on your lady. I’m getting high, getting fat, and lovin’ up on a lady right now. And she’s an intern. Nobody’s getting paid. I’m living your dream.

I get it. You’re telling our readers to follow their bliss. Get high, get fat, love up. Dude, they’re already reading a TSJ advice column. High, fat, and ladies are taken care of my friend.



“Less or two evils?” What are you even saying, Anon. I don’t wanna hurt your feelings, but that doesn’t make any kind of sense.

What it does is remind me of when I was in elementary school, trying to learn me my greater than or weaker than symbols and it stressed me out because I kept thinking it would depend on the way you thought about it. Like if you look at greater than from one side it’s lesser than, and if you look at lesser than from the other side, it could mean greater than.

I’m not dyslexic, I’m open-minded.

You also say “making money is the absolute lowest form of existence. Pale blue dot.” Much like your earlier comment, this doesn’t make sense, but I’m so excited you’ve been reading the Carl Sagan! Pale Blue Dot is a must-read for all things space-related. And you know how much I love space. I love space, Anon. I really do.

I feel so close to you right now. And we are not even from Saturn, as you say. But from this pale blue dot that is Earth.

Wanna have a smoke, enjoy a partner, have a fantastic meal? A sunset?



Got a question for Melissa and Mike? CLICK HERE and fire away. If we use it… your life will improve immediately.

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
Ask TSJ: The Free Cheat Pass 
Ask TSJ: Breaking Up Right 
Ask TSJ: Acting Rich to Get Laid