Ask TSJ: Ghosts in My Bedroom


LIFE IS HARD. It seems like every new day brings a new question that, try as you might, you’re just unable to find an answer for. The Smoking Jacket understands this, and we’re here to help. TSJ’s editor, Melissa Bull, and Headshots’ columnist, Mike Spry, set aside some time in their busy schedules to answer your questions in a feature we’ve cleverly named “Ask TSJ.”

This week’s incredible question comes from our a friend in need in California. And you know what they say about a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Hey TSJ, Is there such a thing as ghosts? I think they watch me when I’m sleeping. Just wondering if I’m crazy or if I should talk to a shaman or a Wiccan or something about this. Thanks! - Kelly, San Diego



Hey buddy,

You know what sucks about ghosts, are-you-a-boy-Kelly-or-girl-Kelly? They don’t have bodies. Here’s what you want in your room. Folks with bods. What is even going on over there? Burn some sage already and put this time behind you.

If you you’re real keen on wacky shit, at least do yourself a fave and channel the vamps. They’re way more corporeal and if they really love you they might make you live 4-ever. Think about it: An eternity. With vampires.







Hey Kelly,

Though the scientific community is divided on the existence of ghosts, I have been a believer in their existence since I was in high school, when my family moved into a house with the address 666 (true story). After the move, both my sister and I swore we often witnessed paranormal events in the house: Doors opening and closing, ghost-like figures drifting from room to room, missing keepsakes. Though we were moth-heavy, ahem, “experimenters” in our youth, we contend to this day that what we witnessed was real.

You think “they” watch you while you sleep? That’s not a bad thing. Are you single, Kelly? I’m going to go ahead and guess that you are. Little known fact: ghosts are generous lovers. See if you can’t get one of these ghosts to open up to you by opening up to them. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised, and more than satisfied.


Got a question for Melissa and Mike? CLICK HERE and fire away.
If we use it… your life will improve immediately.