MAN CRUSH OF THE WEEK: AROLDIS CHAPMAN
But every now and then a guy will have some sort of awesome freakish ability like being able to throw 105 MPH or get away with giving autographed baseballs to his one-night stands. And sometimes the guy who throws 105 also has stuff like getting arrested for driving 93 MPH on a suspended liscence, having a stripper claim she was locked in your hotel room and had $6,000 worth of stuff stolen, or get sued for $18 million by a guy who said you lied and he ended up in jail.
To top it off he saved a game and decided to celebrate by doing two super awkward somersaults.
This is exactly what baseball and sports in general need. We now live in a world where LeBron James won a title, taking away pretty much the only fun thing everyone could agree on. So what if his sumersaults ended up pissing off a lot of people and made him look like a child. This is a guy who supposedly HAD A STRIPPER LOCKED IN HIS HOTEL ROOM. It’s amazing. He’s like if Nuke LaLoosh and Rick Vaughn somehow created a Cuban baby from sharing steroids needles.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: SKIP BAYLISS
Just by looking at Skip Bayliss you already know he’s a megadouche. I mean, where to start? His hair, his suits, his essence? But worse than that is his opinions, or as Mark Cuban so properly told him, his “generalities” about sports.
Bayliss is not a fan of watching sports. In fact, he likes to just create storylines while ignoring things like “facts” or “stats” or “smart stuff.” And really, he doesn’t care.
So when massive Man Crush Mark Cuban joined First Take to discuss his dislike of Bayliss, it turned into the worst beatdown since Tony Parker fought a bottle (by far my favorite sports story of the year).
For six minutes, Cuban destroyed Bayliss like I and presumably everyone else alive has always dreamed of. When asked simple questions Bayliss ignored the question and instead spoke in more generalities about something that sounded like it could be a reasonable thing to say in that situation.
But after Mark Cuban’s Jon Stewart on “Crossfire” moment, the worst was yet to come as ESPN actually posted the link to YouTube, completely hanging Bayliss out to dry for the sake of advertising. Somehow, I think deep down in the location where Bayliss should have a heart, he was very pleased with all of this.
Follow Scott Bolohan on Twitter: @scottbolohan