The Smoking Jacket is all about giving back. On the surface, it may seem like we’re here strictly to write dick jokes and post pictures of sexy women, but that’s because we don’t make a habit of bragging about our charitable work. But rest assured, the needy children and abused animals and day shift strippers know our generosity very well.
But today, we’re putting our giving nature right out front by introducing you to Ronald Omondi, the first member of what we hope will be a long running and life changing venture, TSJ Boxing. All across the globe, young men and women are languishing in obscurity, waiting for their chance to live the dream we all dream of…beating ass for money.
Young Ronald was one of those hopeful young fighters when he posted this video on YouTube hoping to find a partner willing to sponsor his dreams.
We’re sure you’ll agree that Ronald is not only blessed with a wealth of pugilistic skill, but he’s got damn fine taste in fight music to go along with it. He lists his stats at 5’4″, 65 kgs (which the TSJ Metric System Conversion Department assures us equates to “built like a tank”) and 28 years of age. Clearly, this is a young man at the prime striking point for embarking on a career in boxing, and we’re happy to lend him our support and resources.
In exchange for proudly displaying the TSJ logo on his ring entrance attire of choice, we can offer the following:
- A monthly stipend which may or may not fluctuate wildly between four and fourteen dollars
- Full access to our stock of official TSJ boxing gear, which mostly consists of three pairs of those promotional Incredible Hulk hands that make exploding noises when they hit something and a codpiece that an Ebay seller assures us once belonged to Cameo lead singer Larry Blackmon
- A lifetime membership to our world class training facilities which feature a fully operational Bowflex, two Ab-Rollers, a rack of Shake Weights and one of those contraptions that you can hang upside down from (it’s a shower curtain rod)
- Unlimited emotional support (via text message, emoticons not included)
If a man can’t launch a successful career in boxing with that kind of backing, he probably shouldn’t be fighting anyway. So what do you say, Ronald, do we have a deal? We patiently await your reply.