6. Alice in Wonderland
Released in 1951 between Cinderella and Peter Pan, this cartoon somehow found a way to get an otherwise complicated book and make it even more confusing to children.
While we understand things such as the caucasus races and imaginary words being important to the plot, it still doesn’t explain why Disney had to get all pink elephants on us.
We like to think this particular screenshot inspired American McGee’s Alice.
The “mad watch” scene, while hilarious, is wrought with continuity errors, the Cheshire Cat taught an entire generation of kids to fear the moon. The creepy animals Alice encounters in the woods serve as little more than stoner-fuel.
Raise your hand if this letter confused the hell out of you as a kid.
5. All Dogs Go to Heaven
It’s pretty confusing to tell kids that all dogs go to heaven when it is made explicitly clear in the film that some dogs go to Hell.
This may be part of the reason why the film was initially rated PG. The other reason, we’re guessing, was because the film was unabashedly creepy as hell. Introducing children to death is one thing, but death and doggie-Hell? That’s a whole different ballgame.
Not pictured: A good idea for a kids film.
4. The Neverending Story
Before “What is the Matrix?”, every single adolescent on the planet was asking what name Bastian screams out the window in The Neverending Story.
Sure enough, it is the first question asked in the movie’s faq over at IMDb.com. The Internet was practically invented to figure out the name Bastian’s hippie-sounding mother was “Moonchild.”
We’re guessing they drowned it in thunder so no one could hear how lame it was.
If you thought Egon’s warning “Don’t cross the streams” had something to do with crossing over a river, don’t worry. So did every other kid and adult in the theater who had no idea they were talking about, um…
Truth be told, we’re kinda hard-pressed to come up with a name for these too.
“Dogs and cats, living together”
“Cross the streams!”
2. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
We’re guessing you loved this movie as much as we did as kids even if we had no idea what “patty cake” was.
Still, even the nerdiest kid in our classroom probably had no idea what was going on when the film decided to take an enormous detour to talk about freeways.
Honestly, we didn’t see this twist coming.
I mean, we get it: freeways are joyless and about as un-Toon Town as you can get, and this whole twist was based on the real life General Motors streetcar conspiracy. However, if Judge Doom wanted to destroy Toon Town because he was just plain evil, we would have believed it. If they wanted to confuse us in ways that would take us years to fully understand, believe us when we say that Jessica Rabbit was enough.
1. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Simply put, we’d be willing to wager all the money in Hollywood that Keanu Reeves still has no idea how the hell Ted stole his dad’s keys.
“Listen, they went back in time before it happened so that… Just say the lines, okay?”
Jacopo della Quercia is now on Twitter. Follow him!