Work your ass off all your life on a skill only a very small, tiny tiny fraction of people can do. Get paid a lot of serious money to display that skill every Sunday. Do a few colorful, calculated things off the field to give some flare to your game (you know… for the people). Win the Super Bowl. Reach pinnacle of success in career.
Become an actor.
This seems like the career of many sports stars. Some sport heroes have a lot of success, while others really should’ve thought through this career choice.
Imma be funny and do this with my arms because that’s comedy, funny.
America loves winners. We love Super Bowl winners. We also love seeing those winners pop up in various other entertaining facets of our lives because, well, we like winners. Here’s a look at the greatest roles by Super Bowl winners in a movie or TV show.
He’s doing the bunch-of-fuckers-caught-in-a-fire face.
1984 Super Bowl 18 Champion (Los Angeles Raiders)
Howie Long has been living a pretty nice life. After a Hall of Fame playing career, Howie has a nice cushy job on the FOX NFL SUnday set for over 18 years. Howie’s son is a stud on the St. Louis Rams. And, of course, Howie’s married to this babe (on the right):
Howie Long has more than dabbled in the acting world. You may not remember THIS TNT movie classic, Dollar for the Dead, where Emilio Estevez plays a gunman on the run from a rancher: Howie Long.
What you mean you never seen this movie?
My favorite Howie Long movie is the 1998 turd, “Firestorm” where he plays a firefighting smokejumper, Jesse Graves, trapped in a tough pickle trying to save the love of his life and a whole bunch of other fuckers caught in a forest fire. Howie was asked what he did to prepare for this role: “I kept thinking that the fire was the quarterback and I had to take it out.”
1995 Super Bowl 29 Champion (San Francisco 49ers) / 1996 Super Bowl 30 Champion (Dallas Cowboys)
Prime Time. Neon Deion. Whatever you want to call this cat, Deion Sanders has been an entertaining stud both on and off the field. Deion’s personality is perfect for crossing over into show biz including Deion recently popping up in this harumph comedy:
This is what happens when we stop thinking and just start filming.
Deion’s greatest “acting” gig was his recent appearance on the series, “The League,” where Deion walks in on Dirty Randy and Rafi filming a porn in the home he is about to purchase. The porn is called: 12.12.12 The Mayan Cock & Lips. Need I say more?
1971 Super Bowl 5 Champion (Baltimore Colts)
Bubba had a solid playing career being an All-Pro once and a two-time Pro Bowler to go along with that Super Bowl 5 win. But his acting career was on another planet. He was Arnold the driver in 1983′s Stroker Ace with Burt Reynolds. He made an appearance on some of the biggest TV shows such as Taxi, Macgyver, The Odd Couple, and Married… with Children.
But without a doubt, Bubba’s best role was Moses Hightower in the classic Police Academy movie/institution. Occupation before joining the academy: florist. Football player as a florist??! Talk about contrast! Bubba really wants to be a cop. Problem is, poor ol’ Moses does not know how to drive. Cue Guttenberg!
It’s important to note that Bubba Smith may have the first name of my unborn son.
1964 NFL Champion (Browns)
Along with winning an NFL title in 1964, Jim Brown also made the best move of his career in 1964: acting. Jim has been in a lot of quality movies like the 1967 war film, The Dirty Dozen, where he plays a “convict sent to France during World War II to assassinate German officers meeting at a castle.”
Are you not sold yet on that shit? Are you not entertained??!
In 100 Rifles, he played an Arizona lawman named Lyedecker on the hunt for, get this, a half-Indian bank robber played by…Burt Reynolds.
Hau! Me Chief Reynolds. You bird shit spirit.
The best movie that Jim Brown did was the race relations, cult classic 1970 film, “…tick…tick…tick…”
And the Oscar for most ellipsis in a movie goes to…
Jim plays a man elected as sheriff of a small racist town. James Brown standing up to crotchety white racists is worth the price of admission:
1972 Super Bowl 6 Champion (Dallas Cowboys) / 1978 Super Bowl 12 Champion (Dallas Cowboys) / 1986 Super Bowl 20 Champion (Chicago Bears)
Mike Ditka sure loved to win Super Bowls, eh? Two as a player and one as the beloved Bears head coach, Mike Ditka had a feisty, dramatic way to win the big games. That same spirit translated into a very successful post NFL playing and coaching career.
Ditka could never shake the coach typecast and everything he has done is just an extension of what made him famous: aggressive coaching. Ditka made an appearance in 3rd Rock from the Son as a…coach.
Yes. I enjoy potpourri in my home.
He also appeared in a small movie Up, Michigan! where he played…coach.
A real winner right here.
But without a doubt Mike Ditka’s best acting role was in the Will Ferrell romp, Kicking & Screaming. NO SMOKING!