SO I’VE POLLED MY EXTENSIVE POSSE OF LADY FRIENDS and come up with 5 of the funnier things you all do with your junk that… uh… kinda weird us out, actually. We love you, chicos, but… seriously?

1. THE HELICOPTER
Typically a post-shower show and tell. Dude takes off his towel, swivels his hips and makes his dick copter around his groin. Quote: Look, babe! My dick’s a helicopter!

 

2. THE SLAP-DOWN
Boyfriend’s walking around the house naked and handling himself liberally. Boyfriend goes: That’s my dick on the plate! That’s my dick on the bookshelf!

 

3. MAKING IT TALK
Dick as Clone Trooper says random lines from Star Wars. Like: He’s more machine than man, now, Luke.

 

4. PRETENDING STUFF IS HIS DICK
Dude takes a sort of dick-shaped object, say, a pencil, or a remote control, lays it on top of his crotch and goes: Look, it’s like my dick! Except outside my pants!

 

5. THE TUCK-IN
Buddy tucks his junk between his legs, keeps it up there by walking with his knees bent. Buddy goes: Check it out! I’m Mister Woman!

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
Twelve Absurd Boxer Shorts That Will Guarantee You Never Seal the Deal with a Woman
Dick Flash: Where Perverts Go to Learn
Chic Flics with Dicks