A new Wolverine movie is upon us, and if it’s anything like the first film it runs the serious risk coming off like an adamantium bullet to the brain.
More or less, our reaction to the movie.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine was such an undisputable piece of shit that nearly the entire Internet agreed it was not even worth illegally downloading.
“The Wolverine” 2013 Trailer
How will the next film fare? Shifting things to Japan sounds like a good start for Logan, but we still expect to have the following questions at least partially answered if any future X-Men films are to make any sort of sense.
That is, before they rewrite history again.
5. When the hell is the film set?
It was hard enough to keep a tab on when the X-Men films were set before Wolverine hilariously invited Charles Xavier and Magneto to go fuck themselves in X-Men: First Class.
“Two mutants walk into a bar…”
Having Wolverine fight in everything from the Civil War to Vietnam makes perfect sense. However, throwing him into the same muddled universe as X-Men: First Class confuses the hell out of the whole X-franchise. The Cuban missile crisis took place in 1962. Does that mean everyone we saw in X-Men: First Class is supposed to be past their fifties in The Wolverine? Is Cyclops no longer the elder Summers brother?
Is Storm pushing 60?
However, even if we played it safe and pretended that X-Men: First Class took place in a different universe than every other X-Men film, having The Wolverine take place sometime after X-Men: The Last Stand doesn’t make things any easier.
Is Magneto nearly eighty? Is Sabertooth still Tyler Mane, or did he go back to being Liev Schreiber? Did the events of the first three X-Men films take place across several years or several decades? Are we still in the “not too distant future?”
Hell, that last question doesn’t even make any sense and we still need it answered!
4. How much of X-Men: The Last Stand actually happened?
In a bold move, it has already been revealed that Famke Janssen will be returning as Jean Grey in The Wolverine.
That, or Mystique is out to give Wolverine another boner.
However, this raises an important question about how much of X-Men: The Last Stand actually happened, especially since so much of that movie pissed the hell out of fans. Cyclops and Jean Grey were killed, Magneto depowered (???), and Professor X apparently transferred into another body. Is this the world in which The Wolverine takes place, or is the reappearance of Jean Grey just one of many liberties the writers will be taking?
And naturally, by liberties we mean damage control.
Still a better movie than X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
3.Will there be any connections to X-Men: Days of Future Past?
Whether The Wolverine sucks or not should not matter in the long run. X-Men: Days of Future Past is coming out next year, and it is showing every sign of being awesome. Bryan Singer is back in the director’s chair, the source material is fantastic, and we might finally get some explanations about what the hell happened to the franchise for every movie since X2.
RT if this movie is the reason you continue to watch X-Men films.
However, after the spectacular success of The Avengers and Phase One, one has to wonder if The Wolverine will serve as a bit of an alley-oop for whatever Bryan Singer has in store for us next year. It’s not far-fetched to picture Singer swapping ideas with Christopher McQuarrie, whose screenwriting credits include The Wolverine as well as Bryan Singer’s X-Men, Valkyrie, Jack the Giant Slayer, and The Usual Suspects in an Academy Award-winning role.
Having this guy write The Wolverine is a major plus.
As the first post-Avengers X-Men movie, what does The Wolverine hope to leave us with leading into Days of Future Past? Whatever it is, it better not be disappointment. Any dedicated follower of the X-Men films has already received plenty of that.
2. Will there be any explanations for X-Men Origins: Wolverine?
We’ll make this very simple: What the fuck happened to that adamanium bullet in Wolverine’s skull? Is it still in there? Did his brain “digest” it or something? Does he still have a metal hole in his head?
Pictured: The X-Men equivalent of Greedo shooting first.
No aspect of X-Men Origins: Wolverine received more criticism than this scene. It’s almost as if the screenwriters knew nothing about the character until they were hired for this script. Will there be any explanations—or apologies—for this infamous ending to the Wolverine film that preceded this one? Your guess is as good as ours, but we’re willing to wager that the filmmakers will do the same damn thing we did: pretend it never happened.
Hell, it’s almost an interactive experience to share in Logan’s amnesia.
All this time, he was just trying to ignore the ending of a bad movie.
1. Will the circle of the Marvel Universe be complete?
When Joss Whedon dropped the gauntlet and showed us Thanos at the end of The Avengers, every Marvel reader from the 1990s knew what that meant: The Infinity Gauntlet was on. It was the single largest battle ever attempted in the Marvel Universe, featuring the Avengers, Doctor Strange, Spider-Man, the Silver Surfer, S.H.I.E.L.D., Galactus, the cosmic beings, and yes… the Wolverine.
Granted, we’re not lawyers, but we’re pretty sure that any legal wrangling over whether Wolverine should make an appearance in Avengers 2 has no doubt included mentioning how The Avengers grossed more than $1.5 billion last year.
Will Wolverine join the battle just as he did in the comics? Is it possible that The Wolverine is secretly part of Phase Two in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?
All we want is something. Anything.
Even another “fuck yourself” will be appreciated.
Please, please, please make this happen.
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