HALLOWEEN IS A HOLIDAY THAT, if played like a seasoned vet, can get you laid, win you money, and give you a respectable hangover. Girls have it easy every year when October rolls around… they wear as little clothing (if that’s what you want to call it) as possible, drink three gallons of vodka “cider” and try to find their way home from some random dudes bed in the morning.
Halloween is great because ever since we were young it has always been a holiday of wildly undeserved rewards. Dress up like a Ninja Turtle and receive candy (pretty awesome equation in my book).
As we become older, the Halloween treats morph from Baby Ruth bars into babes and if you choose your costume wisely you could end up going home with the hottest bitch in the bar. Here is a list of the top five costumes that will get you laid this Halloween.
1. The Superhero
The super-hero costume is always a win. Ever since the beginning of time women have always had a weak spot for a crime fighting mystery man clad from head to toe in spandex. Since these fictional characters don’t actually exist in real life this is pretty much the next best thing.
The greatest part about these costumes is that girls can’t tell if you actually have abs or if you have a mini beer-gut because the fake abs are covering all your parts. Halloween 2012; solving crime… one vagina at a time.
2. The Conversation Piece
You gotta give it up for this guy… his glass was clearly half-full. If your Halloween costume is creative and unique it will catch a woman’s attention regardless of what it is. I guarantee that this man was motor-boated by AT LEAST 15 different (and highly intoxicated) females that night. This gentleman should be commended for not only his optimism but also his ingenuity.
This is not the best costume to wear to the office Halloween party… that being said, it looks like this picture was taken in an office. Cheers to this guy.
3. The Pirate
Pirates of the Caribbean forever changed the way the world views pirates. Suddenly they went from being a strange and historic group of sea-vigilantes to a very sexy strange and historic group of sea-vigilantes. The bottom line with this costume choice is that women love a good shivering of the timbers. Any costume that features a bottle of liquor will get the girls flocking to you like you’re an older and hairier version of Justin Bieber. They’ll keep coming back for more until they have to walk the plank home in the morning.
Plus it’s a great excuse to talk like a drunken pirate all night long.
4. The Political Leader
Throw on a Bill Clinton mask this Halloween and all the girls will be auditioning to be your own personal Monica Lewinsky (in the bathroom stalls that is).
This costume is pretty easy to pull off regardless of which political leader you decide to pay homage to. I would advise cutting a hole in the mouth of your mask otherwise consuming beverages will be extremely difficult. Also make sure to remove your mask every half an hour so girls can see what you actually look like, otherwise this costume choice could backfire.
If done right women will be pledging their allegiance to you all night long.
5. The Olympian
More particularly, the scantilly-clad Olympian. This is a very ballsy costume to rock this Halloween (literally). If you have the goods, flaunt it. If you don’t have the goods, stick a sock in it. Get yourself a nice spray tan and oil down that bod. If you decide to go as Michael Phelps don’t forget an herbal accessory. If you go as Ryan Lochte, remember that his mom is an avid supporter of one night stands.
This costume is pretty much a win-win; unless your wildly overweight, which would actually be hilarious.
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Ten Awful Things It’s Apparently Okay to Celebrate on Halloween
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Five Horror Film Curses You’ll Swear Are Real
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