SAVING THE PLANET and reducing pollution is a goal all of humanity must get behind and we should be open to new ideas. That said, not every new idea is a good one. In fact, many are outright stupid. Below you’ll find some of the worst “green” ideas.
1. Truck Farm
Greening cities is great step to improve quality of life. Green roofing, for instance, adds value to buildings, reduces heating costs and makes cities more livable using otherwise wasted space.
Some activists decided to make a video about a new way of urban gardening: A truck farm. Of course, being broke, they bought what they could afford, which didn’t include a calculator. They used a 1986 Dodge Ram truck for a mobile farm in Brooklyn, which is stupid considering you add 800 extra pounds to a car getting 10 mph city. A few radishes just isn’t enough to offset that carbon footprint.
2. Moss Bath Mat
When you think of how to green your bathroom, you probably think about low flow shower heads and maybe recycled toilet paper. You don’t think of turning your hygiene room into a grow space.
Enter the moss bath mat.
It’s like the frat house all over again.
Now shower mold isn’t the only thing feeding and growing
Rather than waste money growing moss, there are anti-bacterial cork alternatives that are environmentally sustainable.
3. Goldfish Bowl/Planter = Animal Cruelty
Having a pet and a few plants in your office or apartment can be a good way to stay in tune with nature and make your place better. But good intentions mean very little if your selfish desire results in animal cruelty.
This goldfish bowl looks good. It filters water thought the plant, while the fish poop fertilizes the plant. It’s even a yin-yang shape! But don’t let it fool you, this is bad karma. Gold fish growth is stunted in small bowls. Rather than making the fish part of a biosphere, you are shoving them into a too small space and ruining them for life.
Still better than our shithole apartment.
4. Growing Jewelry
Adding more plant life to reduce our carbon foot print is a good thing. But what about for the mobster with a green thumb?
I don’t want my second hand cigar smoke to have negative consequence, kabish?
One artist created brass knuckles for the mobster in need of a image boost, Sure, he’ll still break your nose if you don’t have the money you owe by Tuesday, but be proud to know your beating will have a net positive impact on the environment.
5. Bamboo Laptop
Innovation isn’t always about huge leaps, but small steps forward, like replacing parts of laptops with sustainable materials. In 2007 Asus announced and hyped a largely recycled bamboo-covered laptop.
Great, so long as you don’t share it with a panda.
The actual product used much less bamboo than model suggested. Rather than replacing plastic, a thin layer was glued on, meaning more material was used and panda was out a snack.
6. USB Greenhouse, because fuck the sun
Plants in your home can clean the air, add beauty and improve your mood. So should you use a pot, a window planter or a hanging plant? How about using a greenhouse powered by electricity?
No, not your dealer’s grow room.
Websites ecoFriend and Treehugger both praised USB powered desktop greenhouse, which requires constant power from your plugged in laptop or computer at all times. Apparently, putting it next to a window is too hard.
But the new model will have an iPod dock!
7. PetaPotty: Because dog poop indoors is better than outside
Pet waste is an environmental concern for many. Letting Fido shit on the sidewalk is rude, though you don’t it in your yard. What is the answer?
Peta potty, which is a pissing place for dogs, might work if you live in a city apartment, but apparently building artificial turf for a dog to mess on is better than letting organic material break down naturally. You know, like nature intended.
8. Storing CO2 in bags at bottom of ocean
Carbon dioxide is the main cause for global warming and figuring out how to capture it is key to fighting warming. Even when captured, there is the question of where to put it so it doesn’t leak out and reenter the atmosphere. One idea is to store bags of CO2 at the bottom of the ocean to contain humans putting CO2 into environment.
WTF is this?
But a torn bag would acidify the water, or a mass release could result in a Lakes Nyos/Lake Monoun style disaster, where carbon released killed a lot of people.
9. Freaking Tornadoes for power
Scientifically illiterate people feared the Large Hadron Collider would create a black hole. We all laughed as the thing went off without a hitch and we found the Higgs Boson.
Although having this guy named director did cause us some worry.
Common people with a little sense, however, could rightfully fear a mad scientists idea to harness man-made tornadoes to power cities. One scientists wants to create a 150 ft wide, miles high Vortex that can be wielded to power (and, we suspect, ultimately destroy) a major city.
10. Pig Piss Plastics
If we reach peak oil as some people believe, not only will we run out of gas, but byproducts like plastic will also be in short supply. Its good to plan for the future materials today. But some materials are better than others.
For instance, never make anything out of cute baby animals
One of the grosser ideas is to make plastics out of pig urine. The plastics are not recyclable under current technology and will release greenhouse gasses when in landfills. The whole idea isn’t kosher.