We were very intrigued by Vanessa Veasley’s Blerd Photochop contest. Vanessa, see, classifies herself as a “blerd” — a black nerd. And she has a bunch of nerdy t-shirts and some decent knowledge to back it up. Vanessa is also built like Seven of Nine and smart like Brainiac — for a time, she was a regular presence in Show magazine as both model and editor. Bell Biv DeVoe said never trust a big butt and a smile, but they didn’t say anything about trusting a big butt and a brain.
Vanessa has posted the finalists to her blog and we just gotta say — beatable. Some nice efforts, but all totally beatable.
Now, since the submission period has already ended and we’re not trying to crash it a week late, we’re just gonna go ahead and break the very first rule and use an image that is not one of the ones she provided.
Otherwise, though — look out, you are about to witness the greatest nerd photoshopping of a woman ever performed. Stand back, we’re professionals. (Actually, we’re amateurs, so you might want to stand a little further back.)
So we start with this lovely picture of Vanessa from BlackMen, January 2011:
Her ass cheeks become Death Stars. /obvious
How about an internet/Japan meme? Domokun will work:
Gotta have a video game, preferably vintage. Space Invaders? Pac-Man? Pfft. Too obvious. Let’s go a shade geekier with Galaga. Breasts are weapons, so we’ll change Vanessa’s bra into the spaceship that shoots down the enemies:
Looking good, if we do say so ourselves! But we need a superhero. How about Wonder Woman? For this we clipped some (but trust us, not all) of Kim Kardashian’s Wonder Woman Halloween costume from a couple years ago. And we’ll leave the lace on Vanessa — it’s a nice touch, don’t you think?
Who likes a good HTML joke? Nerds, that’s who. Here is the oldest one in the book:
Just about done here — and running out of patience with Photoshop — but we’re missing some element of fantasy. What say we ditch that uninteresting pink background and drop Vanessa into Mordor. Behind her, on the left, it’s the Dark Tower of Barad-dûr, and on the right, Mount Doom.
Perfect! No longer sexy, but perfect.