Happy Friday, everybody! We barely made it through another week, but now we’re free. We had a crazy one to send you out into weekend-land, so let’s get ‘r dun.
We began the shenanigans today with some sexy sign language. As that guy from Nelson Mandela’s funeral showed, you don’t need to actually be able to sign ASL in order to get a pretty high-ranking job, so we gave it a go with some sexy topless ladies. We don’t know what they’re saying, but we sure do like to watch.
After that, we talked with Robin Leach, and let the signing continue, because of their hypnotic power. Robin talked about Holly Madison’s new cabaret opening up, and also Vegas seems to continue being overrun with cowboys. And not just the giant neon kind.
Next, it was time to unwrap another present from under our Non-Denominational Holiday Tree, and the ladies picked up some “Mystery Mistletoe,” which gave them the power to get a kiss wherever they wanted on their body. Here in the Mini Mansion the mistletoe hangs low.
We welcomed into the studio today Alfredo Rodriguez, jazz pianist extraordinaire. He’s playing at an exclusive Playboy event this weekend, and told us what it’s like being one of Quincy Jones’ most talented collaborators.
After a short intermission, we dove into the Friday Awards, where the Butt Slaps and Snow Angels from earlier in the week took home the coveted golden lady trophy. We also paid a tearful tribute to all the clothing we lost this week. Don’t feel bad for the clothes, remember: the brightest flame burns half as long, and the lost bra exposes twice as much. Or something.
Finally, we wrapped up our Winter Under-land activities with a little Winter Obstacle Course. Our sexy models Rachel, Sasha, Gabby, andSandra got in their ice-covered car and drove into a snow pile, before being pulled on a snow saucer into the studio, throwing snowballs at a lewd snowman, and jumping into a giant pile. You know, like a normal morning commute in the Midwest.
It’s Thirsty Thursday, and we’ve got a cold glass of Morning Show to get you started.
We kicked things off today by talking with our good friend Mr. Skin, who counted down his top TV shows of 2013, which ended up being “Orange is the New Black,” “Game of Thrones,” and “Masters of Sex.” If you haven’t seen these shows yet, don’t take our word for it… take Skin’s. He knows these things.
After that, we played a special round of the world’s longest-running naked game show Know It or Show It in honor of the colder weather, aptly called Know It or SNOW It. We’re very proud of ourselves for that one. Our sexy models Krista, Bobbi, and Carrie took turns going up to the Snow-dium (less proud of that one), and tried their best to answer winter trivia. This time around, the game ended with three very naked ladies dancing around in a no-budget snowstorm, which is the safest snowstorm to be naked in.
We took a quick break and then it was time to continue our Winter Under-land outdoor fun-time activities. Today we had our lovely ladies skate around the rink right here in the studio! Ok, so maybe they slid around on an oiled-up tarp, BUT that’s pretty much the same thing. This was a historic moment because it marks the first time any man has ever cared about figure skating. The trick is to have the figures themselves be nude.
Finally, we unwrapped another present from under our fabulous Morning Show Non-Denominational, Totally Politically Correct Wintertime Green Tree! Or Xmas Tree for short. The ladies found some stockings in their gift today, and not just your regular old Christmas stockings, but fishnet Christmas stockings. They’re not as good about holding gifts, but they make your chimney mantle look a hell of a lot sexier.
It’s Hump Day, so let’s get over it.
We began the craziness today with a lightning round of Good Naked/Bad Naked, where a nudist-exclusive realtor was deemed good, and a crazy windshield-bashing crazy naked man was deemed bad. But who are we to pass judgment?
Next, we continued our Winter Under-land outdoor snow activities with a good old-fashioned snowball fight. Our sexy ladies Chloe and Lindsey came in and threw down from behind their snow forts with deadly accuracy. Being naked must increase your aim. It definitely makes you harder to hit.
After that, we welcomed in actress and writer Jenny Mollen, who is a regular contributor to Playboy.com and TSJ’s Sex and Dating articles and “What She Said” pieces. Jenny talked about her latest Playboy.com article, which involves her pregnancy (she’s married to Jason Biggs), and what it’s done to her sex drive (it’s made her insatiable).
Since she’s also a Twitter superstar (she won a Twitter award, so you know it’s legit), we figured we’d play another round of Top Teets vs. Top Tweets. Our models Chloe, Lindsey, and Ali Rose came in to tweet and also distract with their tops off. This time it worked, as Jenny was dumbfounded. Although that may have had something to do with the fact that the topic involved Nelson Mandela. Either way.
Happy Tuesday, folks! Remember, the best way to keep yourself warm is to keep watching our show.
We started things off today by talking about a new trend that’s started in the more immature people of the country: butt-slapping. What’s butt slapping you ask? It’s exactly what it sounds like: unsuspecting backsides are getting touched all over the place, and some people are less than happy. We can’t really imagine why.
Next, we continued our Winter Under-land activities by making snow angels. Cody and Rachel came into the studio to show off their horizontal jumping-jacks in our faux-snow pile. The best way to stay warm during a naked snow angel is by stacking your other naked friend on top, which also helps push more snow, so… you know… win-win.
After that, we welcomed in Meital, who is a singer/songwriter/actress (aka the big three), to talk about her new song “Give Us Back Love,” which is available on iTunes and Beatport. She talked about her two Israeli Oscar Noms, and what it’s like being naked on camera. On an unrelated note, anyone who can rock a tiger-print cat suit like that is alright in our book.
We then took a break for a moment, and then it was time for another Naughty or Nice List throwdown. Rachel came in to tell us a story, as Cody and Toryn played the angel and devil and tried to win her soul for their side. After the dust settled, Rachel was thrown up on the Naughty List along with Andrea and Emily Rose. It’s getting a little one-sided…
Ah, Monday. Everything’s still got that new week smell.
We began things today by checking in with the Titty Pick re-cap, and discovered that the titties are slowly gaining on the brains, little by little. Don’t count them out yet.
Next, we began our week-long Winter Under-land segment, where our models get into their snow-bunny hats and gloves and sex-ify a fun outdoor winter activity. Today’s cold-weather fun was building a snow man, a standard in all front yards where snow falls. Our sexy models Chelsie, Peru, and Heleina came in to put together their ideal snow-man and put him on display next to our tree. It’s beginning to look a lot like Tits-mas.
After that, we spoke via Skype with Kennedy Summers, our December Playmate. This German-born, American-raised beauty has been a professional model for years, and it shows: she worked her spread like only a pro could. She also made it through all six of her Playmate Pick Six questions, and fended off an attack by her dog at the same time. That’s real skill right there.
We took a quick break, and then we welcomed in Drama, from the MTV show “Fantasy Factory,” which starts its final season in January. Drama gave us some insight on what it’s like having keys to the factory, and the responsibility that comes with it (see: bringing ladies there to bone in the foam pit).
Drama stuck around to watch as our ladies unwrapped another present, while also getting unwrapped themselves. Today it was a camera, and the ladies took some sexy shots to put on their Christmas cards. Talk about a stocking stuffer…