The Playboy Morning Show… And Tell

Thursday

Babe Battle, Naughty Triplets, Playmate Prom Dates, Wine Line Returns, and E3 review

Kevin and Andrea started the show talking about a new fantasy dating website for women, where they earn points by getting guys numbers, and even more points by asking them out on dates. They liked the idea of it but couldn’t figure out why they didn’t have point values for important things like sex and other actual fantasies. They decided that they would start the site HowHoWillYouGo.com and that way girls can compete to have threesomes, public sex, etc. (If you would like to help us build this site, please send us an email).

Scott Alexander gave us the complete E3 wrap up. He said the future of gaming looks pretty sweet, but we are going to have to wait until next year to see any of the new gaming consoles in action. Kevin was mad that Japan gets all of the new stuff first, and said America (and Canada) should get first crack of everything.

Celebrity chef, Tim Love, who is featured on page 29 of the June Playboy issue joined us to talk about burger blends, and his bourbon pulled pork from the magazine. He is going to be at The thirtieth Annual Aspen Food and Wine Festival to teach his BBQ methods. He stuck abound with us to talk about JaRon’s menu mishaps.

The Wine Line returned with people bitching about everything from gas prices, to lack of sex, to Kings hockey. Andrea wined about the French Open, and Kevin whined about how everyone claims they are the “official” this or “official” that. He said that we need to have an official officiant to decide who is the actual “official _________.”

The Power Hour:

Mr. Skin talked boobies and celebrity vagina including Playmates in Piranha 3DD, and cable nudity on HBO and Showtime. He went pun on pun with Kevin and Andrea, and proved that he is the king of the sexual pun. Long live Mr. Skin.

The battle of the babes came to an explosive climax between Cody and Jillisa. This is the 3rd meeting of these two competitors. Today their physical challenge was testing their “jerking ability,” as they raced to pop balloons using their best HJ movements. After a minute of fast an furious pumping it was a tie… again. A sudden death pump off proved victory for Cody, who also took down the mental round while bouncing up and down on the BIG BALLS. Congrats to Cody and The Landing Strip for winning this battle of the Pubes. Get your beauty sleep for tomorrow’s Playboy Prom.

Wednesday

Happy Birthday Breast Implants, Prison Sex, Post Sex Yawns, 95-Year-Old Clown, and I’m Rich Bitch!!

Happy fiftieth birthday to the breast implant. We chatted with the women who has the first set of them still inside of her. She is one badass bitch, and although she refused Kevin’s request to rub them on the phone, she did tell us her nipples were as sensitive as ever.

Prison sex may sound like a pain in the ass, but according to Hassan Hartley it’s not so bad. We learned about the pros and convicts of shower sex, what makes good prison lube, and the flirty female guards.

Chip Rowe, Playboy Advisor schooled us on yawning after orgasm, “it’s better after sex than during.”

The Heffy nominees were a great crop, and each was “HEFTASTIC” in their own ways. Here is who was nominated…

Kevin: Creeky the 95-year-old clown, and recent World’s Oldest Clown

Andrea: 75-year-old Japanese woman who climbed Mt. Everest.

Elise: 81-year-old Mel and 87-year-old Joey have 146 custom-made matching outfits.

Jaron: 80-year-old woman who fell out of her safety harness while skydiving.

Gina: The oldest woman to carry the Olympic Torch.

and the winner was…. Creeky The Clown. 

 The Power Hour:

We were joined by Donnell Rawlings, from The Wire and Chappelle Show and VH1′s Hip Hop Squares. He claimed that “this is the greatest radio show I’ve ever seen.” He told us about white chick hunting at farmer’s markets and looking for girls with yoga mats under their arm. We brought in some ladies for KNOW IT OR SHOW IT, and before all was said and done, we were down to just undies. Well played.

PMOY Jenny McCarthy, Tickle-off, Pantie Quilt Update, and a Dwarf. 

Andrea came in today camel-toe first. Her tight pants left little to the imagination, especially after we tweeted a photo out@PBMORNINGSHOW. What a way to start your day. She was in a “great mood” today, and Kevin wasn’t happy about that. He likes Andrea “a little on edge.”

We checked out the Question/Answer round from this past weekends Miss USA Pageant. Although, we thought all the finalists were pretty hot, the answers were a typical mix of blah blah blah. Kevin said it best when he said: “If these girls didn’t have these stupid sashes on, they’d be pretty hot.”

Playmate and former Playmate of the Year, Jenny McCarthy checked in to talk about being horny, single, and her new NBC show “Love in the Wild.” She claims that even though she is always super horny, she couldn’t pleasure herself for the entire time they were filming in The Dominican Republic “because the mosquitoes were everywhere.” She told us that she had to masturbate within 5 minutes of returning home.

We also talked about her upcoming Playboy pictorial, where she warned us “The Bush is Back.”

After chatting with Jenny, we caught up with our old pal, “Shovelhead,” who is the man behind The Pantie-Quilt. He’s on his second one now, and looking for older underwear from the 40′s and 50′s. He likes them used, and doesn’t mind if they have “Crouch Butterscotch.”

We got inside of the mind of Hugh Hefner with a presidential round of What Would Hef Do? The question was, What is the first thing you would do if you were our president?

Answers were:

Take Government out of the bedroom (JaRon)

Build Grotto at White House, and change Air Force One to Big Bunny (Elise)

Get out of Other Countries (Gina)

Legalize Pot ASAP (Andrea)

Two Words: “First Ladies.” (Kevin)

The correct answer was Gina.

Brad Williams came in costume for a Tickle-off. Carrie andAllison were strapped into The Tickle Chambers while Brad took turns tickling them with everything from feather dusters to his little person fingers. HOT!

Monday

Topless Spelling, Sex Crazed Magicians, Filthy Forecast, and Good Naked.

Kevin and Andrea welcomed everyone back into the mini mansion for another morning full of fun and frolicking. Andrea thinks her stylist are buying her shirts that are too small for her big boobs. Kevin thinks the shirts fit perfect.

Kevin was excited about a weekend full of overtime games, Tiger Woods, and Game of Thrones. He also saw Piraña 3DD and said it had one of the greatest lines in the history of cinema.

Andrea partied, and continued to tone up for our Vegas Topless Pool Tour.

We kicked off some Good Naked Bad Naked and had everything from a Transgendered serving his genitals at a feast to a senior flasher, and a masked streaker. All in all it was a real mix of good, bad, and ugly naked.

Penn Gillette joined us to talk about sex in zero gravity, and all the sexual items that he owns the patents for. He even invited Andrea to his las Vegas compound to use his special masturbation hot tub. She seemed excited.

His new book God, NO is out now, and although we didn’t spend too much time talking about religion, it’s clear that Penn isn’t a God-fearing man.

 The Power Hour:

After a filthy Forecast, comedian, Mo Mandel, came by to join us for the 3rd Annual Playboy Spelling Bs, Cs, and Double Ds. Girls with A through DD cups competed in spelling rounds including body parts, 3-letter-words, sexual positions, and body painting letters.

 

After three and a half rounds, we ran out of time, and decided that the girl with the biggest boobs should win.

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