A JOURNEY THROUGH THE INTERNET in search of animal impressions caught on tape seems like a fairly innocuous exercise, right? For us, it started off that way. But, then… well, you’ll see.
For reals, the first thing we found is super innocent. Offbeat and lowest-of-low budgets, you probably won’t know it unless you’re from Canada or a US-Canada border-town, but PJ Katie’s Farm is the stuff of surrealist daytime children’s programming legend north of the 49th parallel. With hosting, voicing and “animation” duties handled solely by PJ Katie herself , the show featured a rotating cast of argumentative, European-accented farm animals whose stream-of-consciousness adventures often took strange left turns into the absurd as PJ Katie’s improvisation ran gradually further away from the initial story line, if there ever was one.
The TV show thing took us into more specific search terms: Celebrity animal impersonations. Since this is a “worst” list, we thought first of Halle Berry’s take on Catwoman. She may not be portraying an actual cat—rather, just a woman possessed by the spirit of one, in this 2004 retelling of the Catwoman mythology—but Halle’s turn as Selina Kyle is as disastrous as it gets. From the dialogue to the campy production, our first taste of Ms. Berry as the Cat solidifies its place in this list purrrr-fectly.
From one cat to another; albeit, this crosses over from embarrassing-slash-funny territory into something a little more sinister and bizarre.
The 17-year-old child bride of Lost actor Doug Hutchinson, Courtney Stodden, used her much older husband’s cachet (and YouTube) to create a little niche of infamy of her own. Among her many valuable contributions to the video-sharing community are these two entries, wherein a blow-up doll first imitates a cat, then a bunny, turning in simultaneously incoherent and disturbingly literal performances that border on role play. Must be seen to be believed, but don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Speaking of playing roles: If only the producers of Catwoman had consulted these pros to coach their leading lady.
Cheetahs in the Mist
Which lead us to this, presented without further comment, because we’re too scared to speak…
Deer in the Room
Be warned: when you start searching the web for animal role-play videos, you’re entering a nightmarish internet k-hole death spiral of canine proportions.
Make those equine proportions.
We may never sleep again.