The 7 Sexiest Jobs in Porn (Are Being Automated Away)

Automated

Technology has been a boon to the adult industry. Where once you had to go to the back of a shady store to find something for the night, the Internet is the Library of Alexandria for every erotic and exotic fantasy you have.

However, the dark side of technology is that it begins to replace some of those jobs of which porno fantasies are made. Future generations may never know the fantasy of making it with…

1. Their College TA

A college teaching assistant, or TA (or T&A as you say when you are a horny freshman) will inevitable catch your eye in college. The only reason many of us ever went to a recitation was to see our hot TA and work up the nerve to ask her out.

The 7 Sexiest Jobs in Porn (Are Being Automated Away)

Not exacly what I meant when I asked her if we could “head out of the classroom” to “study.”

But college teaching assistants are underpaid grunts and colleges are willing to automate them away.

A company called EdX is creating a  computer system to grade papers that will instantly give you feedback and tell you how you need to rewrite. Instead of  “negotiating” with the TA to fix the grade, porn characters will miss the big frat party because they had to do rewrites.

2. Their Professor

A hookup with a hot professor is the subject of volumes of Penthouse Forum letters. While your TA may be expendable, there will always be the lonely MILF English professor who is willing “to really show you what the Romantic Movement was all about.”

The 7 Sexiest Jobs in Porn (Are Being Automated Away)

Granted, she got her tenure by boning the dean, so her credentials are a bit suspect.

But rising college costs mean that many people are turning to Massive Open Online Courses, or MOOCs. Think of them like MMO games, in that many people participate and few of them are getting laid from it. While you could take a top level course from a top university from your bedroom, you get little sexual action unless your prof is willing to do webcam sex.

3. Their Taxi Driver

Imagine being a taxi cab driver. Think of the drunken women confessing everything naughty they’ve done, with the occasional one who is broke after she blew all her money at the casino but really needs a ride to her hotel.

The 7 Sexiest Jobs in Porn (Are Being Automated Away)

Money won’t be the only thing she blows tonight

But thanks to advances in self-driving cars from Google and other companies, getting from place to place may be done by robot.

Thanks to Google taxi cab based porn will be harder to find.

4. Lawyers

You need no more proof of how sexy the law can be than to watch some episodes of Playboy’s Sex Court.

The 7 Sexiest Jobs in Porn (Are Being Automated Away)

All Rise!

But while TV lawyers are shown as high earning, exciting people, they all start doing grunt work. That is, until automation took their jobs away.

And we’re not talking doing your will online like taxes, but the job of reading documents during lawsuits and criminal trials.

E-discovery software can analyze millions of documents in only days, meaning no more late nights where junior partners “take a break” from all that reading.

5. Their Doctor

When you’re sick, you want to visit the doctor. Sure, you can go online to WedMD, but everyone knows its basically a flowchart that always leads to cancer. Besides, there is just something about the hands on method.

The 7 Sexiest Jobs in Porn (Are Being Automated Away)

“Looks serious. Better strip down so I can look closer.”

But now IBM is using Watson, the computer that beat humanity at Jeopardy!, to study medical records and become a diagnostic tool. By crunching vast amounts of data it is surpassing regular doctors, even without a team or Vicodin addiction.

6. The IT Guy

Well, with all these lost jobs, at least some of you were smart and got that IT degree, huh? No matter what happens to every other job, there will always be a hot young secretary or MILF boss who needs her computer fixed, software update, and a nice new piece of hardware installed.

The 7 Sexiest Jobs in Porn (Are Being Automated Away)

This is when I shine.

However, thanks to cloud-based computing services, more and more of the hardware and software is located offsite at data centers. So instead of being called in to the office to install some virus protection (ie, a condom), you’ll simply work in a server farm in some lonely industrial park.

7. The Pizza Guy

Not the pizza guy! No, this man is the staple of porn based jobs! Playing the pizza guy is a rite of passage for every male porn star!

The 7 Sexiest Jobs in Porn (Are Being Automated Away)

And every bold Halloween party goer.

Yes, that profession is dead, thanks to drones. When not massacring Middle Eastern civilians, they are murdeing our fantasies!

Okay, let’s calm down. One Domino’s pizza place in the United Kingdon did a PR stunt where a pizza was delivered by drone. We’re a long way from seeing food delivered by drone through the air, but that may be coming sooner than a lonely MILF short on cash.

 

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