HERE AT THE SMOKING JACKET, we love to bring you all things sexy. And that includes sexy advertisements. Over the course of 2012, we’ve highlighted some of the sexiest ads of the year. And now we’ve got a summary of the sexiest of the sexiest. So set aside some private alone time and feast your eyes on this year-end orgasm of sexy advertising delight.
1. Agent Provocateur Has a Threesome
In February, lingerie brand Agent Provocateur brought us several sexy scenarios, one of which included a man and two women frolicking beneath the sheets. The work, which will included a series of three videos, was described as a “departure from the fierce and overtly sexy world in favor of a softer, more romantic type of erotica.” Perhaps. Though it’s still sex.
2. Carl’s Jr. Knows How to Sex Up A Barbecue
Sort of like a sexed up version of the classic 1980′s Reeses Peanut Butter Cups commercial, Carl’s Jr. delivered a couple of smoking hot barbecue babes appropriately clad in cleavage-enhancing halter tops, ass cheek revealing short shorts and stem-enhancing FM footwear to tout the marriage of pulled pork and hamburger.
In the ad, the two distractingly delicious ladies, each embodying the qualities of both the girl next door you want to introduce to your mother and the tantalizingly drool-worthy girl you want to slam up against the wall and…oh…sorry…back to the business at hand, tussle at the grill until their gyrations result in the “invention” of the Carl’s Jr. Memphis BBQ Burger.
3. Liquid Plumber Snakes Drains and Flushes Pipes
Even ads targeting suburban housewives can be sexy. And Liquid Plumber showed us just how it’s done. Dropping just about every sexual double-entendre known to man, a woman in a grocery store has a fantasy in which she gets the double impact of having her drain snaked and her pipe flushed. The kids won’t be off the school bus for two hours. Plenty pf time top play.
4. Kate Upton Earns Ad Babe of the Year Award
Appearing in no less than five commercials in 2012, super hot Kate Upton flaunted her 34D’s as proudly as a mother cheering on her child at the Olympics. Upton earns special mention on the list this year purely for the voluminous volume of prodigious pulchritude she shared with us throughout the year. Throughout the year, Upton appeared in ads for 2K Sports, DirecTV, Carl’s Jr., Skullcandy, Guess and Zoo York.
5. Kelly Brook Explains How Her Boobs Got So Big
This ad featuring busty babe Kelly Brook tells us “You could have a pair like Kelly’s” if you just pick up a pair of official Sports Relief Socks at your local (if you’re in England) Sainsbury today.
6. Megan Fox Heats Things Up for Sharper Image and Acer
While we think Megan Fox was decidedly cuter/hotter/prettier in during her Transformers Days, she still captures the eye quite alluringly. In 2012, Fox appeared in a few campaigns for Sharper Image and one for Acer. In the former, she does the usual hot ad babe thing. In the latter, she gets a bit more brainy.
7. Agent Provocateur: Still Making Ads Only Men Can Dream Up
Um, like, yea. This would totally happen. Maybe in the Penthouse Forum section (does that still even exist?) but certainly not in your real life. Likely, you’d get some sweaty pig with too much body hair and a beer gut chasing you in tighty whities than some hot chick whose dress happens to rip off revealing her super hot lingerie. But it’s an ad. And it has a hot chick in it. So it’s on the list.
8. Surfing Is the Hottest Sport
Perhaps the hottest ad of the year, this lascivious objectification of surfer girls is a slow motion paradise of bootyliciousness that shows no shame in gratuitously lusting after three pretty young things to hype a surf camp. And that, my friends, is what makes it a sexy ad. Like it or not.
9. Miranda Kerr Heats Up the Beach
The stunningly sexy Miranda Kerr appeared in a Victoria’s Secret commercial for the brand’s Summer 2012 line of cotton lingerie. Set to the tune of Rhye’s “Open,” (which may be central to some sort of copyright issue because the sound on the video has been disabled) the commercial has Kerr in a tropical, beach-side setting lounging around and prancing about while grinning at the camera and caressing her own body.
10. Porn Star Irons While Having Sex
International porn legend, Nacho Vidal, has unleashed his secret to stellar performance in bedroom. In a comical mostly-NSFW video, we see the effects of the aphrodisiac/performance enhancement supplement Fortiplus on Vidal as he pleasures woman after woman after woman…all while he seemingly goes about his daily business. Epically funny.
11. Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders Do ‘Call Me Maybe’
Long, long ago in a time before Gangnam Style assaulted every last device connected to the interwebs and every last airwave signal, there was Carly Rae’s Call Me Maybe and it was big. Really big. Well, that was before Psy redefined the definition of big. Of the many Carly Rae Jepsen’s knock offs, the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders did one to promote their annual eye candy calendar.
12. Big, Bodacious Boobs Boldly Build Business
How do you effectively promote a calendar that was created to hype a site which sells bikinis? You feature the site’s founders, Natasha Oakley and Devin Brugman, two impossibly-hot, epically-endowed ladies with, it would appear, an amazing business sense and the unfettered boldness to, well, use their bodies to build that business. You can further appreciate the pair’s qualities on their Tumblr and by following their Instagram accounts (Devin, Natasha,
A Bikini A Day).
13. GoDaddy’s Post Hot Girl Advertising Still Hot
What’s a list of sexy ads without the grand purveyor of sex, GoDaddy? Not a list which is why we’re including the first work the brand’s new agency, Deutsch did for the agency. The new campaign introduced a new notion of sexy without completely dropping its old version of sexy. The new campaign began to highlight the behind the scenes sexiness of GoDaddy and what Go Daddy can do for its customers.
14. Hot Athlete + Slo-Mo = Lust-Filled Axe Ad
Half-dressed athletic women are, by definition, hot. And so are all women in Axe commercials. Put the two together and you’ve got yourself a Sexiest Ad of the Year contender. This ad, called Hot Putt, cobbles together athleticism, lust, drive, intensity, slo-mo drama and ridiculousness into a wonderfully weird bit of wittiliciousness.
15. Candace Swanepoel So Hot She Watches Herself Have Sex
Nudity and a plethora of S&M-like activity fill this Brian Atwood ad featuring Candace Swanepoel who sits in an office (naked) and watches herself on video screens engage in a bit of clothed, orgy-like action.
16. Monica Cruz Reveals True Self
In the mini-epic, called Wilhelmina, Monica Cruz steps out of a carriage into a dark, dingy and wet London street circa sometime in the 1800′s. She enters a building and is led to a back room, a photo studio of sorts where a gruff looking photographer promises his camera will “photograph your true self.” And because she is wearing Agent Provocateur lingerie, we know just what kind of true self we will see.
17. Girls Still Just Wanna Have Fun
This work for jewellery brand Morellato featuring Russian model Irina Shayk takes Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun to heart. And if we are to believe this ad, prancing around, caressing one’s own deliciousness and making seductive eye contact are all a girl needs to do to have fun.
18. Lara Stone Does Double Entendre-filled Breast Flesh Fetish-fest
This ad for Calvin Klein, set to the tune of Salt n’ Pepa’s Push It, is a double entendre-filled, breast flesh fetish-fest in which Stone thrusts forth her bulging globes of glory while gyrating and asking viewers to “push it good.” And push it it exactly what some will want or need to do after viewing.
19. Sex in Advertising Sells… Advertising
In Portugal, they have no problem whatsoever sexualizing not just advertising but the industry itself. Ah, if only working in advertising where really like this. After all, who wouldn’t want to knock out a few creative ideas while bathing in a hottub with a threesome of awesome?
22. The Hottest Toothpaste Ad You Will Ever See
In this very strange but sexy ad, a man and a woman return home from an evening out and proceed to go at each other as if neither of them have had sex in over a year. The intensity builds, the passion mounts and…well…just watch it all the way to the end.
20. Mosquito Interrupts Wet Dream
Guys, ever have that feeling of uncontrollable urgency when your girl strips down to her underwear and climbs on top of you all ready for action? She smiles. Her breasts spill forth forming endless cleavage and you can’t wait to… Wait. What was that? She’s not your girl? And you’re dreaming? And there’s a fly in the room? Yes, this is how we sell mosquito repellent.