totty \’tä-tee\ British : sexually attractive people, esp. female. “Quite a bit of totty in the pub tonight.”

Oh the perils of holding the Olympics in London.

The massive downer coming out in the crack British press today is that female beach volleyballers will be allowed to—and apparently are likely to—wear more clothing than normal due to the relatively chilly climate over there.

As the Daily Mail puts it: “Olympic beach volleyballers women told they can cover up because of the cool summer: Female volleyball players can wear shorts and sleeved tops in cold weather”

Beach volleyball in shorts and long sleeves? WTF? Is that even possible? We were under the impression that women jump higher when they have a bikini bottom wedged deep in the cheeks. It’s a form-follows-function thing.

Here as a public service is Sophie Reade demonstrating a patriotic outfit that will not be required of beach volleyball players at the 2012 Olympics. Not that Sophie is a beach volleyball player. She is a topless model and we imagine that if she did attempt to play beach volleyball in this she would pretty quickly end up showing her topless-modeling talents, which are more substantial than those of most Olympic athletes.

Repeat: This outfit will not be required at the Olympic games. Study it well.