Today we have a serious issue at hand.
You may remember the girl in the picture as Winter Pierzina, aka WintrSprngSummrFall, who posted some videos to YouTube last year demonstrating how she stashes everyday items (cell phone, car keys, claw hammer) in her enormous bra. The videos were entertaining, and she was the viral Hot Internet Chick of the Month, and YouTube even shut down her channel for excessive bra-someness, or something like that. (She’s back on YouTube, and here’s one of her earlier videos: “Big Boobs = Handy Purse.”) Cute girl with big boobs stashes stuff in her bra—that’s just gold.
But those were better days for Winter—as we were saying, serious issue at hand.
A few months ago, Winter was texting while driving and she totaled her car. Texting while driving! Jesus, girl, could you have picked a more cliched way to nearly kill yourself here in the year 2010? Every day, it seems, we are assaulted by PSAs warning us of the dangers of talking on the phone while driving, texting while driving, surfing the Internet while driving. Whatever she was doing (she may have been MapQuesting while texting), it was really fucking stupid, and she is lucky to be alive.
We can’t go into the specifics, but the situation now is she has to do a ton of community service and she owes the state of California $2,500 in fines. If she doesn’t pay, she’ll go to jail.
Maybe she should go to jail—think about it. Nobody was hurt in the accident, but what if? What if she had ploughed into your Dodge Neon and killed you or your loved ones, what if people were dead right now thanks to some 21-year-old bimbette and her stupid cell phone? Lock her up and throw away the key, we say.
Ha! Right? Ha! Good luck with that, sister!
On the other hand—she is really cute and her boobs are amazing. You know that you have, in your life, thrown many a Franklin out the window for cute girls with nice boobs. You’ve bought them countless drinks in bars. You’ve paid for their dinners. You’ve bought them ice cream in the park, tickets to the ballgame, gas for their cars, cab rides home. You’ve done it on occasions when you knew you weren’t going to score. You’ve done it on occasions when, truth be told, you didn’t even like them that much. You’ve done it for the wrong reasons; sometimes you’ve done it for no other reason than you were born with a Y-chromosome and that’s how it is. Men pay.
But texting while driving—so stupid!
But she puts things in her bra—so fun!
What terrible judgment!
What a terrific rack! And those eyes—love them!
Bail her out and you’ll just be letting another pretty girl get away with murder.
Bail her out and she’ll be grateful; she might even take naked pictures and video like she used to do. (Yes, she did. Let us Google that for you.)
You know you shouldn’t…but you know you want to.
It is the age-old male dilemma. Call it what you will: Rationality vs. passion, mind vs. body, thinking with your big head vs. thinking with your little head.
We’re not saying you should give her money. We’re not saying you shouldn’t. Our own credit card sits on the desk next to our keyboard, at the ready but (as yet) unused.
Here, again, is the link, and below it a couple dozen pictures that will fuck with your head. If 250 suckers give her $10, she won’t go to jail. You’re on your own.