Shay Maria and Rosa Acosta: When the Cutie Beats the Cut

Shay Maria and Rosa Acosta

Warrant’s “Cherry Pie.” Robert Palmer’s “Addicted to Love.” Any MC Hammer single. Any Whitesnake single. What do these have in common? They’re all terrible music, but became hits because of the hot babes in the videos. The girls, on the girl scale, were top notch; the songs, on the song scale, were crap.

Video vixens have been name brands for a while now (for Warrant and Whitesnake, see Bobbie Brown and Tawny Kitaen, respectively) but artists today seem to have stopped pretending that the song’s the dish and the girl is but a garnish. No, these girls are dishes, too. The video isn’t an installment in the artist’s discography; it’s the latest entry in the vixen’s filmography.

As Malcolm X would say, were he commenting on hip-hop rather than rolling in his grave because of it, the chicks have come home to roost.

First, here’s “The Sky’s the Limit,” by Jason Derulo, which we feel is not a very good song. But somehow he managed to secure Shay Maria, uber-hot alt-babe. Shay fans, start your buzzing now:

What really had us thinking of this as a trend, though, are two clips featuring Rosa Acosta, who is probably today’s top video vixen. She is actually billed in the credits of the videos. Videos are essentially promotional material, and what these guys are saying is they think you’ll like the video better if you know it’s Rosa, and if you like the video enough you’ll come around to the song, and if you like the song maybe you’ll buy the album. That’s what Sons of 84 are hoping, anyway:

Rosa also gets billing in “Caesar Palace,” by the French rapper Booba. The French language and hip-hop go together like bacon and ice cream to begin with, and here he is in Vegas, visiting the fake Eiffel Tower (as a Frenchman would), dropping taunts in Franglish in a Pittsburgh Pirates cap, ordering guns on his new iPad, then he’s boxing, then there’s a white dude flushing a toilet. It’s a train wreck, an international, multicultural train wreck—but nothing Rosa in Daisy Dukes can’t fit. Goodness those shorts are short.

So you have to wonder — why not cut out the middleman? Why don’t the vixens get rid of these untelegenic dudes and make their own damn musically questionable videos? See Oaktown’s 3.5.7 — the girl group MC Hammer built out of the dancers from his “Can’t Touch This” video. Here, as historical evidence or cautionary tale, is “Juicy Gotcha Krazy,” circa 1989:

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