Sabine Jemeljanova Is Latvian for Awesome

Sabine Jemeljanova

totty \’tä-tee\ British : sexually attractive people, esp. female. “Quite a bit of totty in the pub tonight.”

These British chaps go bonkers for their busty babes in magazines and newspapers — but they’re very open-minded about immigration.

Sure, you can’t get more typically English names than Sophie Howard, Rosie Jones, Sammy Braddy and Lucy Collett. But what of those who don’t have a family crest, or whose great-great-uncle isn’t the 17th Earl of Weskit or can’t claim a great family vault at Kingsbere-sub-Greenhill, and finer skillentons than any man in Wessex. What of those whose names are just a jumbled mess of foreign syllables.

If you’ve done a little research (the looking-at-breasts kind, not the scientific or book-reading kind) you may have stumbled upon Leilani Dowding. Nadia Alkhashab. Ola Ademola. Malene Espensen.

And of course one of the greatest ever to crack ‘em out for any UK mag or newspaper, Eva (Iga) Wyrwal. Straight outta Kalisz, Poland.

Because here’s the deal — if you look great naked, you look great naked. Who cares how un-English your name sounds?

The latest and current greatest is Sabine Jemeljanova (@SabineJofficial), who came to the UK from Latvia at the age of 16 and was soon proving that Latvia is anything but flat(via). See what we did there.

Sabine’s star is on the rise, with her appearances on Page 3 and in the lad magazines causing minor flareups of hysteria. Get on board.

Related on The Smoking Jacket:
Porny-named Lacey Banghard is the New Page 3 Idol
Sammy Braddy’s Chest Only Gets Better