Join the @phuongtourage, Phuong Nguyen is #NGUYENNING

This isn’t Phuong’s first appearance on TSJ; we had her a few months ago as a Ballbreaker. She did a fine job breaking balls, but that’s not really why we brought her back. We brought her back because–

Well good god man, just look at her.

Phuong does a bunch of stuff like beer advertisements, magazine modeling, “hot babe” movie acting… she does quite a lot of it, actually. Check out her resume on her official site, Friend her on Twitter @phuongtourage and pray to the gods of glamour photography that she keeps shooting more and more swimsuit pictures, because–

Good god man, just look at her.

Hometown and birthplace: Born in Beloit, Wisconsin (and yes, I Love cheese) Grew up in Rockton, Illinois.

Current location: Sunny Scottsdale, Arizona

Measurements: 34d-25-34

I think my best physical feature is: my hair! The boys always want to touch it. Girls too.

Men say my best physical feature is: My smile. Then boobs or butt — I think it depends on the guy.

Sexiest woman ever: Jessica Alba. She’s pretty, fresh faced, and looks sweet like candy.

Sexiest man ever: Ryan Reynolds — duh! Sexiest man of the year for a reason! Funny, cute, seems fun, and now available! (But I love you too Scarlett!)

My best trait is: My sparkling personality!

My worst habit is: I don’t always think before I speak. Can be good, but can be bad.

I wish more men would: Open the door! Car door, restaurant door, front door, closet door — if you see a door, any door, just open it! Thanks.

The key to my heart is: All I’m after is a life full of laughter. And food! Feed me.

Compliment me on: Everything! Flattery will get you everywhere.

How much should a man groom his private parts?: Reasonably groomed, and only if its unmanageable. I like men to be men. What good is a man who looks like a girl?

Favorite style of panties: Thong.

What I like in a bra: Push up, lace, polka dots, color — every color! I have an insanely large bra collection.

Pet name for my boobs: My girls.

What I love about my boobs: They are perfect!

When it comes to my body, please do: Not be afraid to pick me up. I find that sooo hot!

When it comes to my body, please do not: Put that slimy tounge in my ear. I’ll slap it out of your mouth!

Most important rule or rules of bedroom etiquette: Have fun.

Physical feature I like to show off: Gotta show off my girls!

The sexiest outfit I will wear in public: Low cut dresses with platform high heels. I’ve been known to cause whiplash.

Something I will wear the bedroom if you are deserving: If you’re deserving, ill wear whatever you want me to wear, or not wear.

A superficial thing I am attracted to: Nice clothes. I’ll even help you pick them out. Just hand me your credit card, pumpkin.

My favorite physical feature on a man: Big,strong arms. Do some curls for the girls!

My favorite trait in a man: Strength, and willingness to provide and protect.

A man will impress me if: He’s smart.

A man will turn me on if: He’s a gentleman.

A man will disappoint me if: He doesn’t follow through.

The simplest thing you can do to make me happy is: Kiss my hand.

I will not even give you a second look if: You are a spoiled little bitch!

Something stupid men do or say when they first meet me: Talk about every Asian person they know or dated. We Asians don’t all know each other, and it doesn’t impress me that you sat next to a Korean kid in third grade.

I will sleep with you when: I want to.

I will never sleep with you if: You pressure on me to.

Don’t you dare: Flirt with my friends.

The best date I ever had was: On the beach, laughing and kissing all day.

I am the ideal woman because: I’m strong, but I still want my man to be a man.

I am not the ideal woman because: I may have too much sass.

I am the best in the world at: Making you laugh.

I need a man who can: Put me in my place! Hey!

In my opinion, astrology is: For real! Scorpio, baby.

If you come to my house, don’t criticize: My mess! I’m too busy living my life to clean.

The last movie that made me laugh: Funny people. And yes, they are!

The last movie that made me cry: The Notebook. I cry every time.

My philosophy of love: Love fully with no regrets.

My philosophy of sex: Sex is amazing. Even bad sex is still good. But love + sex = magic.

My philosophy of life: Throw everything against the wall and see what sticks!